I have been a little under the weather lately but thank God I am recovering (seriously all I want to do all day everyday is sleep) good it’s the weekend so I plan to spend my Saturday sleeping (Don’t blame me, I’ve had a very hectic week)
Anyway!
I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely
did not know how to express what’s on my mind, but I will write as my spirit leads.
Seriously it took me a while.
Recently, I've been reading (Kind of) a lot on love, forgiveness
and relationships trust me I know I am not competent to tell anyone about love,
but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. We all know that love is not full of roses; a love
that appears sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way. If you have ever fallen in love, (like me) you will
realize that it is almost the loveliest thing on earth and also the saddest; (Correct
me if I am wrong), very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I
have once tasted/experienced/felt that sweet-delectable-hot-treacherous-passionate
love before and of course the both of us got burned on the way out, but one
thing I learnt is that "When it is true love, then nothing can be
compared". Don’t worry about the heartbreak as they heal with time, the
tears dry within seconds (ok may be once you fall asleep) however the laughter,
the joy and the happiness…… trust me they can never be replaced! These are the
beauty of LOVING!
The crazy aspect of loving is the torture of the doubt (Did I say doubt). You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you are doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder every day if you’re the only one or wonder at night if you’ll still be in a relationship by the morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do.
The crazy aspect of loving is the torture of the doubt (Did I say doubt). You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you are doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder every day if you’re the only one or wonder at night if you’ll still be in a relationship by the morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do.
I must confess that I have been guilty of this part of
loving; although mine was in a different form. I kept asking myself if I was
good enough, what I was doing wrong, why this whole thing is happening and if
it was all worth it. My issue was that an idea had been firmly engrained in
my mind that kept making me feel uncertain, and once an idea has been fixed in
my head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget, I just can’t.
And my subconscious takes them serious that I later refer to those statements
in my mind whenever I feel unworthy, making me more certain that I definitely was
the problem or was the one doing something wrong or wasn’t good enough. I say
this is my own worst part in loving and it’s undeniably the toughest!
Now, the worst part of love to some people and definitely
the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I said it’s the easiest for me
simply because the torture is finally over, I mean the tears are over and done
with, the emotional tortures? Over! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t
see any use wailing over spilt milk. You are supposed to just get up, pick up
the pieces and do something meaningful with your life. You make yourself happy
and inspire your mind with lovely things. Tell yourself over and over that you
deserve so much better and you are “always going to be best thing he/she never
had”,, go shopping (in my case buy yourself that Chanel bag after all you
deserve it plus you’re not thinking straight at this moment J so suffer the bank balance pain later) tell
yourself again that you deserve better and to be happy, and then make yourself
desirable..
Did I hear you say heartbreak???
And finally, the easiest part of loving to some but definitely
the most difficult part for me is moving on... (Seriously I struggle) I just
don’t know how to do it. Sorry but I have loved in a specific place, and
invested all my emotions, time etc and moving on seems near impossible for me.
(But we have to move on right?) I can try going on a gazillion dates, and have
an affair and some, but love is once in a lifetime for me... the best I could
possibly do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy.
Having said all that, don’t get it twisted Love is
the most beautiful thing/feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a
smile on my face everyday...
PS: I/We will always LOVE YOU J
Love
Life & Chanel J
Olori
Amope xx
