I work in Finance and I work with 6 guys and as the only female, they have tagged me "The Female Boss on a Mission", reason best known to them. We all get along so well and chat alot and talk generally about life, relationship etc. So the other day one of my work colleague ask me why I'm not in a rush to get married, even at my age.... I was shocked, like seriously.......What a question;
He then ask if I don't get any pressure based on the fact that my friends and cousins are getting married; my response was Im not in a rush because I don't want to get married for the wrong reasons. He then said NO its because I'm too picky.(Eyes Rolling)
Well a lot of women are being too picky but aren't the majority quick to settle with someone who isn’t good enough for them?” And he’s right. However ‘settling’ is not the sole practice of the females, men settle too, crucially the difference is found in how men and women behave after they settle.
On the other hand when a woman settles she will justify her choice by claiming
a) We just don’t understand ‘him’ and he’s a good person really that he’s going to change. As a result when this woman’s mother, siblings and closest friends (justifiably) express their frustration and anger over her choice of partner she will probably dump them and not him.
I am fully aware that when a woman is determined to settle nothing (that includes cheating, violence and mental abuse) will change her mind until she comes to the personal realisation that she deserves more.
I thought I’d enlighten my readers to the top 5 reasons that cause women to settle.
1) It’s a Number Game...
As there are more women than men in the world inevitably we have a situation where there is an excessive demand for good men but a limited supply. As such a woman who is attractive, educated, intelligent, employed actually depletes the number of men available to her.
And it’s not because there aren’t enough men that embody these traits but it’s one of the cruel facts of life that the more successful a woman is the more bat shit she attracts. So it’s all in the numbers. Most of the good men have already been snapped up or have the awareness that they are rare commodities and are unwilling to be tied down.
2) She Likes the drama...
Perfect/good/normal men are boring. And there’s nothing wrong with being boring. Boring is a good thing. I like the fact that my blood pressure is boringly normal, some things just don’t need to be exciting. However some women love excitement and drama. Therefore they’d rather settle and be in a toxic relationship than be in a functional (boring) partnership.
3) The Messiah Complex...
Just as many men are attracted to crazy women, many women are attracted to damaged men. Whilst I have never met a man who has tried to rehabilitate a crazy woman, I have met countless women who engage in the Sisyphean task of trying to change a damaged man. Some say it’s because such women are naturally altruistic but I think it’s because they have Messiah complexes. Memo to the women who like to ‘save the day’- save yourself first.
4) Insecurity...
I actually wasn’t going to include this factor because it’s so cliché. You know how it is, the overweight, overpaid, overstupid American talk show host says to an overweight, unemployed and equally stupid guest ‘Girl you need to love yourself can’t you see you’re beautiful? Stop being so insecure you can do better than him girl!’
5) The (bitter) single friend/relative..
Let me give you a social fact. In every single family and female clique there is a woman who is perpetually single and very bitter about it. If you don’t believe me then the chances are you are that woman or too closely related to that woman to recognise her plight.
Becoming ‘that’ single woman is every woman’s nightmare. And it’s not that women are afraid of being single….but they’re afraid of being labelled the bitter single one. Ergo even if he cheats, steals and has a weed habit that means he finishes all the food in the fridge she’ll stick around because ‘at least I’m not Chardonnay’.
Love Life
Olori Amope xx
Follow me on twitter @oloriamope
