The Only Woman or The Second Fiddle - Chronicles of a Philandering Man!

Some men can and will try to get into a relationship with you when they're openly and obviously married, I should know; it happened to me. Being married doesn’t mean a man or woman will not find others attractive, however, it is the respect for his/her spouse, marriage, in some cases spiritual beliefs, and having control over his/her sexual urges that will prevent a man or woman from acting on these feelings of attraction. Not many men who are married wear their wedding rings, so sometimes it’s not easy to know if a man is taken and some men simply do not want to disclose that they are married. Some women also hide the fact that they are married, although to a lesser extent than the men. But why do people, especially men, purposefully conceal that they are legally attached to someone else?

Much research has been done on infidelity to give explanation for the reasons why people cheat and lie to the other woman or other man about the state of their marriage. I won't try to give credence to the reasons why men or women cheat, however, women are notorious for believing lies that married men tell them. They take every word like it's the gospel of Matthew only to be disappointed in the end. We all know that not every marriage is a happy one, a man who is unhappily married can meet a woman whom he genuinely wants in his life, but he knows the moment he tells her he is married she will walk so he purposefully hides the fact that he is married because he knows that no level-headed woman relishes the thoughts of playing second fiddle to another woman’s man. Although he’s in an unhappy situation at home, this kind of behavior is actually selfish because the other person is unaware that they are in an emotionally risky situation. They are blindly investing in a relationship that might not go where they are hoping it will go.

In spite of all these seemed impossible chances of having a future with married men, why are there still so many gullible women who still believe them? I guess one of the possible reasons is that they are unaware of the lies some married men tell.

1. He told you he WAS married.
This is understandable, right? No! Some women (including me at one point) believe that if a man is separated or "going through a divorce," then it is fair game. Sorry to burst your bubble: It is not. If there’s no evidence of paperwork, then sorry there shouldn’t be a romantic relationship. Period! And even if he's in the process of divorce, there's a very good chance the both of them (him and his wife) may decide to work it out. So in my opinion, if he's truly separated, as he said and proven, then give him time to heal and enjoy his new single status before rushing in to a relationship with him or making things official.

2. He always wants to come over your house.
If the dude wants to come over to your house more often than not, then he's afraid of being caught by either you or the wife, this isn’t just about logistics; it's also about guilt. We women, we leave clues to our presence e.g. hair pins, earrings, hair bubbles, which are relatively unseen by men but noticeable to us. Men are aware of this fact, so they’d rather not take the risk by simply never allowing you to sleep over.

3. You can’t ever stay over at his place.
I knew a guy who came up with every story imaginable, from claiming he has a live-in nanny, to claiming it’s too early to meet the children, to his mother lives with him and he had not told her yet. You need to also start scratching your head if you notice that you can only stay over on certain nights or never stay at all, as it may suggest a wife or girlfriend is not home or might have travel for work.

4. You’re always go on last-minute dates.
We would agree that some men justifiably don’t know how to plan ahead, but then again if dude plans things at the last minute every time you go on a date, then sorry love, you're his second (or third) priority, oh and Think well about all the dates you two have been on. Have you ever noticed that you’re hanging out a lot at bars, or café? Well this is a red flag for many reasons.

5. He is always doing "family activities."
Had to LOL on this one! One very good excuse married men try to use endlessly is their children. No woman wants to be blamed of being insensitive to time he spends with his children right? This is why it’s the perfect excuse. If he's always cancelling or changing plans claiming its something to do with the children it’s time to think about who else is waiting for his arrival.

Some married men are bored and they need distractions; they want someone who can ease up their tensions. They are not looking for relationships; they are not looking for “you and me forever,” they just want someone to play around with, at the end of the day; they go home to the people that matters to their life, and that is not you. If you are involved with a married man and have managed to deceive yourself into thinking it is going somewhere, well think again. Some married men are just devious, wicked creatures. They will tell you everything and anything under the sun to make you believe that you have a future with them. When in fact, only 3% of philandering married men will leave their wives for their mistresses... this means that you have a 3% chance of a “happy ending,” that’s a very slim chance.  

So if you've heard these famous lies listed above, you have "taken the bait" hook, line and sinker. Trust me; the relationship is heading nowhere other than a place called hell. In fact, the vast majority of married men never leave their wives. However, he will continue to string you along for as long as you stay on board. It's time for you to get off now! Break it off; don't accept his phone calls, text messages or his Facebook messages. Leave him alone.

Until Next Time Remember the Golden Rule: No Paperwork - meaning Divorce Papers - No Play.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx

Live an Inspired Life.

Over the years I use to beat myself up for things I could have done or should have done, I later realized that living a life of guilt for the things you could or should have done is no way to live. It took me a while to snap out of this life but one faithful day I decided it is time and chose instead to live an inspired life taking advantage of every moment and opportunity that comes my way. This made me realize that when you choose to or are living an inspired life, there are simply no regrets, only promises and hope for a better future.

Side Bar: I have said throughout my journey I will share my views and experience. So how do you live an inspired life starting today?

Living an inspired life means you are running your own race, following your own path and your own dreams. So many people are forced onto a path by others that they completely lose touch with their own dreams. People will often say and do whatever they feel is right, however, what might be right for them may not be right for you. Everyone has their own opinion and perspective about things, this perspective is colored by their own beliefs, values and assumptions and does this make it wrong or right? Not necessarily. It’s just an opinion, and yes everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however don’t build your life solely based on what other people think is best for you, I know someone who always base their decision on the majority’s opinion… (You know when someone already made a decision but needs others backup) and apparently “majority cannot be wrong” or “the majority are older so they know better” I mean, why should you let other people decide for you? Is it their life? No… Remember it is your life and you have absolute control over your life, do not let other people’s opinion affect your own decision, do not allow people think for you or make your mind up for you.

To live an inspired life you have to improve yourself, and focus on self-improvement, after a certain event in my life, I literally had to pinch and tell myself that rather than wallow in self-pity all day, I can actually learn so many things in this world and make something better of myself. I mean I had to think about all the skills I could learn or all the knowledge I could possibly gain. I noticed that all these things are available and at my disposal as long as I am willing to go out there and make them my own. So think about the different ways you can improve yourself, your interactions with others, and the world around you. You have the full power to activate these changes today, take positive action to make these things solid in your life. Spend your time wisely and prudently on the most important things that have the greatest meaning in your life. If you are not living a life built around your core values and passions, then you are not really living at all. You are just taking up space living life without purpose. You need to outline what it is you’re passionate about, clarify what your core values are, live your life with purpose every single day and spend time with people who encourage, motivate, inspire, love and support you, people that will be there for you when things get difficult.

You have to step outside your comfort zone and try something different and new. I know most of us like our comfort zone after all that’s our safe zone, but really we can only discover something new about ourselves if we try something else from the norm that we are used to, what have you got to lose? I know for most people, this is definitely not how they will choose to live their lives, they’d rather try and avoid variety at all costs, and instead live a mundane existence and at the end of it they end up regretting the things they failed to do, or never even attempted. I had to leave my comfort zone and try things I wouldn’t even think of doing, and guess what, I am glad I did, because I had that sense of fulfillment and know that I am truly living and experiencing life in all its glory. Hence say “yes” more often to new experiences and do something new and different that can help you to enlarge your horizons. As a matter of fact, welcome variation into your life. All of these things will help you add another unbelievable layer to your life that will make every moment worth living. You need to learn to overcome your fears, your fears are really there to help you learn and grow into your full potential as a human being, to help make life interesting and exciting. Many people see their fears as these dreadful giants that is about to swallow them and because of this, they are afraid to confront their fears. Do not let your fears control your decisions and actions, they are there to help you learn new things and experience the world from a different perspective. They are there to help you break new boundaries and to live the life of your dreams.

It’s natural for us to resist the natural alterations of life and the changes that often take place. It’s is usually those surprising changes that hit us unexpectedly that create the biggest resistance.  I have had to deal with an unexpected change recently and trust me it is not easy, however, change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be a very good thing. One thing I have come to realize about this life is that things will change; nothing will ever stay the same no matter how hard you try. It is difficult to accept change, I remembered been hit by an unexpected change, I didn’t have a choice but to welcome this change into my life, in that moment, I had very limited perspective of where this change will take me in the future, but now I reflect back and I realized how important and significant they were for my growth and development, Life is in a continuous change and transition, and so are you. So my advice is not to resist these changes that life throws your way. Embrace them and make the most of them to help you move your life forward.

Many people reach the end of their own life wishing they could have spent their time differently on things that mattered most to them. Unfortunately, at that stage it’s a little too late. They never got a chance to experience life as it should have been lived. Don’t let this be you. Your life is completely in your hands. It’s your choice to either live it with purpose or with regret. What choice will you make today?

Until next time…. Live an Inspired Life.

Love Life & Mulberry

Olori Amope xx