Overcoming Procrastination.

Procrastination is Opportunity's Natural Assassin - Victor Kiam

A long time ago, I came across a lengthy but rather interesting article on procrastination. After reading the article, I took comfort in the fact that I am not alone! Many people also struggle with procrastination beyond my imagination. Whilst some people are in denial others (like me hehe) are brave enough to admit it.

I recently spoke to someone very close to my heart and he told me about a habit he needs to overcome, 'Procrastinating'. I was shocked as he didn't strike me as someone who procrastinates. Alas I decided it's time I blog about it.
Procrastinating is a habit I picked up and perfected in University, being the only girl in the family my mother is always worried about this habit of mine. I remember revising entire courses two days before an exam and turning up to exams looking like a prisoner of war or writing a whole 5000 words essay a day to submission. Upon leaving university it became apparent that procrastinating had bled into other areas of my life. Fast forward to age 25 and I’m over-qualified to teach a course on ‘How to Procrastinate’.

(See what I did and how I overcame it here).

So….
I decided to change.

 

Not because I 'wanted' to change but I knew I 'needed' and have to. The pangs of guilt I felt every night when I realized I’d accomplished nothing were bad for my health (I know I’m a drama queen). More importantly, I needed to change to become a better daughter/ sister / niece /aunt / wife /mother /friend /wearer of fabulous shoes. And the less I procrastinate, the better I become at all of those roles.

I realized I needed to learn new habits and critically unlearn old ones, so I started reading extensively on the topic and seeking help and advice from anyone willing to give it. Much to my surprise over the past few years there’s been a significant improvement. I am better at getting things done almost immediately rather than pile them on my to-do list. I’m not there yet, I must admit 80% better.

Now let me share some tips which helped in my journey towards overcoming procrastination. It’d be great if you left some of your tips and experiences in the comments section. The more I learn, the better :)
Here it goes.....

 

How to Overcoming Procrastination.

 

1) Re-assess Your Life.

 

Someone once said to me that ‘Anyone that constantly defers everything they need to do is probably living someone else's life' and I do think they have a point.
A lot of people fill their lives with things done to fulfill others expectations, rather than things that align to their core. So they constantly defer plans playing the 'I'll do it tomorrow' game, because they don't really want to do those things at all. The question we need to ask is 'Why do I do what I do?’ and 'Am I meant to be doing what I do?' The more you fill your life with the things you love, the easier ‘work’ becomes. As the saying goes 'do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’.

2) Have a Reasonable To Do List.

A lot of procrastination stems from the fact we’re too ambitious when formulating our ‘to do list’.
Long ‘to do lists’ are overrated. It's better to work smart than work hard. Extensive periods of hard work will result in diminishing returns and your work becomes more and more mediocre with each step you take. Contrarily, if your ‘to do list’ is too short, you may gain displaced confidence as a result of doing very little. So keep it reasonable.

 

3) Prioritize.

Prioritize: Placing the most strenuous and important tasks at the top of pile. When you do the hard stuff first, everything else will feel easy. The more I encounter people obsessed with seeming busy, the more I realize people don’t understand the concept of ‘high priority’.
If everything on your 'to do list' is ‘high priority’ it’s either....
a) Your life is so hectic you're heading towards a heart attack or…
b) You don’t know what ‘high’, ‘urgent’ or ‘priority’ is.

 

 

4) De-clutter.

De-cluttering is stripping your life down to its necessary components.
So De-clutter…
Your workspace
Your head
Your ‘friends’
Your diet
Then…
De-clutter your 'to do list' (again).

5) Be Accountable.

Don’t we all need checks and balances? Trust me we all do.  Find someone to be accountable to.

6) Find a Routine

 

For me, this has been the hardest rule to implement simply because I personally tend to thrive off the unexpected. However a foundation and routine is needed to hold up the superstructure of our lives.

7) Be Flexible

I had to learn the 'flexibility rule' the hard way. Part of overcoming procrastination is differentiating procrastination from a creative block. If you’re genuinely trying to get a task done and it’s not working, move on. Some barriers aren’t meant to be overcome at that moment in time. We must respect our creative blocks, because they have their place. Be flexible and know when to walk away.

8) Choose Not to Live Each Day Like Your Last.

We all know the saying ‘Live each day like your last’? Well I hate it. It’s just stupid advice. Why on earth people subscribe to it, I do not know. If it’s our last day on earth, tomorrow doesn't matter because we won't be here to see it unfold!

On the other hand if we live each day in order to make our tomorrow better (and easier); it’s an incentive to get on with things. When I’m losing interest in doing something I think (aloud) ‘If you leave it till tomorrow, it’ll only be harder and more to do tomorrow” And because I feel embarrassed that I’m talking to myself, I start to get on with it.

9) JUST DO IT!

I've left the most important tip for last. The bottom line is ‘Just Do It”. If you don’t do it, rules 1-8 are inconsequential. You weren’t born to procrastinate get that out of your head now. Just do it and do your best.

Love Life

Olori Amope

xxx

Things That Offend Women That Men Don't Care About.....

I’m really bad at staying in touch. To be honest, it’s not because I don’t care about the people in my life. I care deeply about them.  I just avoid phone calls (because I don't care for speaking on the phone that much) and always  forget to retrieve my voicemail.

Rather than engaging in a 45-minute phone call, I would much rather meet up and actually interact. But meeting up requires a phone call to arrange a meeting.. And so a vicious cycle ensues. As a consequence of my phonehomophobia I’ve lost quite a few female friends. And since men don’t care to keep track of who phoned who last, I now have about 2 male friends to every female .(hehe)

 

Ok so the fact that I am officially ‘that girl with all the male friends’ I’ve realised there are certain things in life that offend women deeply but most men don’t care about.

 Things that offend women that (most) men don’t care about:

1) Someone not calling them back:

Like every woman in the universe (any woman that disagrees is a hermaphrodite and doesn’t know it yet) I hate it when a man I like doesn’t call me back  .(Very Annoying right). In fact if done persistently it probably ranks as one of the top 5 reasons that I would contemplate if ‘I'll bring arms house to your mums house’

 

2) Not texting/emailing/skyping/facebooking/back.

This sort of explains itself. :)

 

3) Forgetting Birthday’s.

If you forget a woman’s birthday you are on her X List. I will talk about the X List at a later date, but even without expounding on this construct I’m certain 90% of the women reading have an idea what it is.

 

4) A woman that lies about her dress size:

Social fact for the day: Every clique has a member who is a liar.

If you don’t agree with the above

a) You’re probably the liar and haven’t come to terms with it

b) You’re the naïve member of the clique

In the male clique the liar is the guy that is always talking about how much money he’s making but everyone knows he’s broke. He stunts with a bottle of Belvedere in the club knowing full well there’s no water coming out the tap at his house.

In the female clique the liar is the girl that insists she’s two dress sizes smaller than she actually is. Her delusion causes her to buy clothes that don’t fit. Most women find such women offensive, because they tend to be the type of woman that like to steal boyfriends and is always copying someone’s clothes.

 

Does a man care if a woman’s a size 12 but she says she’s an 8? Of course not. Well unless he’s a Beta Male. And Beta Males don’t count.

 

5) Criticising Primark/whatever their favourite shop is.

a) Primark is legal (fabric) crack

b) If you critique a woman’s favourite shop she will be offended.

Whereas men don’t care enough to take it personally if you critique their favourite clothing brand. Unless they’re Beta Males *cough Kanye * and as we know (all together now) Beta Males don’t count.

 

6)Borrowing clothes and not returning them/returning them in substandard condition:

I should have put this higher up because after someone stealing their boyfriend and feeling unappreciated, it’s one of the top 3 reasons for the premature demise of female friendships.

7)Men that cheat.

Women hate men that cheat. The only things that women despise more than men that cheat are women who knowingly cheat with them and men like Chris ‘I hit girls’ Brown.

On the other hand cheating men don’t offend men because according to Nameless men get it. And they get it, not because they’re all cheats, but men understand that you can be a good guy and do bad things.

 

8)Pretty women who don’t want to be their friend.

I know many women for whom this doesn’t apply, but I know a significant chunk that it does. So it’s made my list.

 

The messages being fed to women by the media combined with the unrealistic beauty standards that they’re expected to match are basically a cocktail for craziness. Ergo many women get slightly unnerved/curious/jealous when a woman of superior/equal attractiveness enters the room. They’ll never admit it but they do.

Now if this woman is attractive and aloof they will be offended. And they will; express their offence by criticising the woman’s attire/appearance when all they really want is to be friends. And a non-Beta Male will never be offended by a pretty woman who doesn’t want to be his friend, he’ll only see it as a challenge.

 

Love Life, Peace

xxx

Bad Habits That Ruin Beautiful Relationships.

We all get to that stage in our relationship where we feel completely at ease with each other, well it is only normal. But when you get so comfortable that you neglect friends, your manners e.t c then things can start going downhill.
If you want to avoid major drama in your relationship, resist the ten habits below that are known to ruin otherwise healthy relationships.



1) Criticising his/her family...
No matter how you feel about your boyfriend/girlfriend's family, making it known to him/her just how much they drive you crazy is bound to drive an irreparable wedge into your relationship. So it's best to hold your tongue when the subject of his family comes up.


2) Letting yourself go....
Not only is it bad for your health and overall well-being, but letting yourself go -- whether that means gaining weight or not caring about your appearance -- after settling into a relationship is one habit that sends a bad message to your partner: if you stop caring about yourself, he may assume that you've stopped caring about him too.


3) Forgetting your friends....
Have you ever had a friend who has suddenly partnered up with the guy/girl they’ve been raving about for the past few weeks and then you don’t see them again for months? Maybe that “friend” is actually you? We’ve all probably been guilty of this at some point in our lives. No matter how much we love spending time with our other half, it’s important to keep in regular contact with our friends for the sake of our own sanity.
Our pals remind us that there are other things going on in the world aside from romance, and they keep our feet firmly on the ground when we start getting swept off into romantic dream land. Spending all of your time with your other half usually ends up with you getting bored of each other pretty soon into the relationship and this is a recipe for disaster.


4) Spying...
You may think you're doing yourself a favor by keeping up constant surveillance your boyfriend/girlfriend's phone, Facebook and Twitter habits; however by being aware of the minutiae of his/her whereabouts and thoughts, you're more likely to do your relationship more harm than good.you get paranoid and scared for nothing. Oh never forget.... You start Nagging!


5) Fighting in Public.....
It is natural for couples to have the occasional argument, especially after being together for any significant amount of time; however, fights that become so uncontrollable that they regularly spill out into the open, damage your relationship! I say you can have arguments. But in public, among friends act like nothing is going on.


6) Sharing Your Secrets With Your Friends.... (To my dear Ladies)
Discretion is one of the chief qualities of a good relationship. Therefore, be sure to keep various aspects of your love life for yourself and your partner. Men in particular can feel extremely vulnerable and irritated if they find out about a problem or a secret from their friends and not their partner. Talk over the delicate issues with your partner rather than confessing them to your friends.


7) Trying to improve your partner....
Many women think they are helping the men that they're with by trying to make them over, however, by doing so; they only end up causing more problems for the relationship.


8) Allowing problems to fester.....
Everyone would like to think that they have the perfect relationship; however, if in your quest to avoid creating drama in your relationship, you frequently allow things that upset you to go unsaid; you are doing yourself and your partner a great disservice. Good communication is the cornerstone of any happy, long-term coupling.


9) Taking each other for granted...

• Do you turn to him/her for his thoughts and/or advice?
• Do you consider him/her when making a decision?
• Do you thank him /her when they've done something good and/or right?
• Do you thank and compliment your partner when they mean well?
• Do you listen to him/her and/or pay attention to his/her needs?


10) Lying....
Lying to your boyfriend/girlfriend for any reason does not bode well for a successful future together. Just don't do it!!






Love Life
Olori Amope xx
Follow me on twitter @oloriamope

Friends We All Have!

There are friends that we have and just can’t live without. It’s not because of their positive aspects but because of the bad they bring. Maybe they make us feel better about our own dire situations, I don’t know, but for some reason we keep them around because, lets face it. We love the drama……!


1) The friend that can’t function within a group....

They are an absolute dream one-on-one, the perfect friend, happy, easy to talk to, sober, but as soon as there are more than 3 other people in the room, they start to play up. This ranges from being a hyperactive version of themselves, to being completely silent or just making such idiotic comments. More to the point, they have absolutely no idea how to behave around strangers.
They do their best to ruin occasions for celebration, e.g on a night out to ensure all eyes are on them, they always end up drunk and miserable, crying over something that is so irrelevant and trivial, I’m stumped for a witty analogy that would adequately highlight their stupidity.

2) I am broke....

This type of friend is not poor but just really bad with money. They know the rents due, bills are due but still buy a Gucci handbag or Hermes belt. The idea of having financial obligations is a foreign concept; if they want something they will buy it, especially if they don’t need it. Despite the fact the phrase they say most is ‘I’m broke’ they ALWAYS seem to have money to buy more things and still get by despite their reckless spending.


3). The hoe (female, male and transgendered)....

Every single person on this earth has a friend/close acquaintance that is considered a hoe (I know its not the politically correct term, but harlot seems archaic and suggests they receive payment) and if you think you don’t have a hoe friend, the probability is that you are the hoe in question.
As much as you love your hoe friend to bits, you would never ever leave them around your significant other. However hoes are such joys to be around and are genuinely good people. And for all you cleaver so and sos who ask ‘what is a hoe’, I’m not going to try and define one, but believe me I know they exist…(in different area codes)!

4) Always on a diet....

So the clique decide to go out for a meal and you’ve saved up your calories for the week and you’re all going to play make-believe and pretend you don’t care about your waistlines and can eat what you like. Oh but not this friend, the size zero wannabe obsessed twit is as quick as an anorexic on speed to constantly repeat ‘Oh no I can’t eat that, far too many calories’ and makes you feel like there is something wrong in enjoying food. They often shoot condescending looks at the plumpest person at the table as if to say ‘are you really going to eat that’.

5) The Religious Fanatic....

Suddenly everything is forbidden and everyone is going to hell. They have made it their task to be a walking, talking spy for whichever God they have chosen to serve and constantly judge even though one of the main tenets of their faith is that they aren’t supposed to.
However you keep them around just in case your clique is in a dreadful car accident and their presence in the vehicle saves you all from an early demise.

6) The Bitch....

She is absolutely horrible to everyone, her friends, her family, puppies, work colleagues, even her boyfriend. She has a tongue as sharp as a razor, intent on destroying every being it comes into contact with. We only keep her around because she appeals to our wicked nature, as her cruel comments concerning the sartorially challenged choice of clothing can make nights out extremely entertaining. However when she turns on you……..Well, you wonder why someone hasn’t assassinated her yet.

7) The Pushover...

The kindest soul in the universe, yet you exploit them. You make them baby-sit your kids, borrow from them and never return (Yes Money) and drive you places you can’t pronounce. Fortunately/unfortunately (it’s all relative) pushovers are a dying breed as everyone is far too opinionated nowadays. Blame it on the credit crunch, its now everyone man/woman for themselves!


8) Always on the phone...

Their phone is either glued to their ear or fused to their fingertips. They are restricted neither by location, time or battery life (they carry their charger).
They normally own 2-3 mobiles, each with a different network, two are line rental and one is pay as you go. They justify having 3 phones because, one is for close family/friends, the other associates and the last for people they don’t want to speak to. Despite their mobile hierarchy they seem to be on all of them for equal amounts of time.
In spit of the fact their enormous phone bills are self-inflicted they still have the audacity to complain.


Love Life

Olori Amope xx
Follow me on twitter @oloriamope

My Birthday prayer.

Father lord
Today I thank You for another year in my life, thank You that I am "wonderfully" made. I thank You for the gift of life and being alive to see today and give glory to Your name.

I am so thankful and so grateful that I can say You made me to be special, And I don't have to try to be something I'm not. Even before I was born, you know me and you created me the way I was meant to be. You created me for a purpose and You love what You created in me, is such an awesome thought!

Thank you, Lord, for always answering my prayers and my "God Give me this and that prayers😃"
Thank you for being God and never less, for freeing me for wide horizons; For protecting me from my limited vision and wayward will.
I can not thank You enough for what You have done in my life and in my heart, To bring me to where I am today.

Lord I thank You because You made it known to me, that where I am in my life right now is Just mediocrity; that You have higher expectations for me.
You have taught me that I can overcome every impossible
Things and obstacles by listening to your voice; obeying You and holding Your hand every step of the way.
I know I truly am a miracle this day, on the day of my birth, it is not by my power but you made today happen.

Thank You lord for surrounding me with beautiful families and friends, I am truly blessed to have you. And I thank God for all of you.

I love You lord, praise You, I honour You. For You are worthy of all my praise.

Happy Birthday to ME!