The Only Woman or The Second Fiddle - Chronicles of a Philandering Man!

Some men can and will try to get into a relationship with you when they're openly and obviously married, I should know; it happened to me. Being married doesn’t mean a man or woman will not find others attractive, however, it is the respect for his/her spouse, marriage, in some cases spiritual beliefs, and having control over his/her sexual urges that will prevent a man or woman from acting on these feelings of attraction. Not many men who are married wear their wedding rings, so sometimes it’s not easy to know if a man is taken and some men simply do not want to disclose that they are married. Some women also hide the fact that they are married, although to a lesser extent than the men. But why do people, especially men, purposefully conceal that they are legally attached to someone else?

Much research has been done on infidelity to give explanation for the reasons why people cheat and lie to the other woman or other man about the state of their marriage. I won't try to give credence to the reasons why men or women cheat, however, women are notorious for believing lies that married men tell them. They take every word like it's the gospel of Matthew only to be disappointed in the end. We all know that not every marriage is a happy one, a man who is unhappily married can meet a woman whom he genuinely wants in his life, but he knows the moment he tells her he is married she will walk so he purposefully hides the fact that he is married because he knows that no level-headed woman relishes the thoughts of playing second fiddle to another woman’s man. Although he’s in an unhappy situation at home, this kind of behavior is actually selfish because the other person is unaware that they are in an emotionally risky situation. They are blindly investing in a relationship that might not go where they are hoping it will go.

In spite of all these seemed impossible chances of having a future with married men, why are there still so many gullible women who still believe them? I guess one of the possible reasons is that they are unaware of the lies some married men tell.

1. He told you he WAS married.
This is understandable, right? No! Some women (including me at one point) believe that if a man is separated or "going through a divorce," then it is fair game. Sorry to burst your bubble: It is not. If there’s no evidence of paperwork, then sorry there shouldn’t be a romantic relationship. Period! And even if he's in the process of divorce, there's a very good chance the both of them (him and his wife) may decide to work it out. So in my opinion, if he's truly separated, as he said and proven, then give him time to heal and enjoy his new single status before rushing in to a relationship with him or making things official.

2. He always wants to come over your house.
If the dude wants to come over to your house more often than not, then he's afraid of being caught by either you or the wife, this isn’t just about logistics; it's also about guilt. We women, we leave clues to our presence e.g. hair pins, earrings, hair bubbles, which are relatively unseen by men but noticeable to us. Men are aware of this fact, so they’d rather not take the risk by simply never allowing you to sleep over.

3. You can’t ever stay over at his place.
I knew a guy who came up with every story imaginable, from claiming he has a live-in nanny, to claiming it’s too early to meet the children, to his mother lives with him and he had not told her yet. You need to also start scratching your head if you notice that you can only stay over on certain nights or never stay at all, as it may suggest a wife or girlfriend is not home or might have travel for work.

4. You’re always go on last-minute dates.
We would agree that some men justifiably don’t know how to plan ahead, but then again if dude plans things at the last minute every time you go on a date, then sorry love, you're his second (or third) priority, oh and Think well about all the dates you two have been on. Have you ever noticed that you’re hanging out a lot at bars, or café? Well this is a red flag for many reasons.

5. He is always doing "family activities."
Had to LOL on this one! One very good excuse married men try to use endlessly is their children. No woman wants to be blamed of being insensitive to time he spends with his children right? This is why it’s the perfect excuse. If he's always cancelling or changing plans claiming its something to do with the children it’s time to think about who else is waiting for his arrival.

Some married men are bored and they need distractions; they want someone who can ease up their tensions. They are not looking for relationships; they are not looking for “you and me forever,” they just want someone to play around with, at the end of the day; they go home to the people that matters to their life, and that is not you. If you are involved with a married man and have managed to deceive yourself into thinking it is going somewhere, well think again. Some married men are just devious, wicked creatures. They will tell you everything and anything under the sun to make you believe that you have a future with them. When in fact, only 3% of philandering married men will leave their wives for their mistresses... this means that you have a 3% chance of a “happy ending,” that’s a very slim chance.  

So if you've heard these famous lies listed above, you have "taken the bait" hook, line and sinker. Trust me; the relationship is heading nowhere other than a place called hell. In fact, the vast majority of married men never leave their wives. However, he will continue to string you along for as long as you stay on board. It's time for you to get off now! Break it off; don't accept his phone calls, text messages or his Facebook messages. Leave him alone.

Until Next Time Remember the Golden Rule: No Paperwork - meaning Divorce Papers - No Play.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx

Love Is....?

  
I have been a little under the weather lately but thank God I am recovering (seriously all I want to do all day everyday is sleep) good it’s the weekend so I plan to spend my Saturday sleeping (Don’t blame me, I’ve had a very hectic week)
Anyway!

I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely did not know how to express what’s on my mind, but I will write as my spirit leads. Seriously it took me a while.

Recently, I've been reading (Kind of) a lot on love, forgiveness and relationships trust me I know I am not competent to tell anyone about love, but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. We all know that love is not full of roses; a love that appears sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way.  If you have ever fallen in love, (like me) you will realize that it is almost the loveliest thing on earth and also the saddest; (Correct me if I am wrong), very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I have once tasted/experienced/felt that sweet-delectable-hot-treacherous-passionate love before and of course the both of us got burned on the way out, but one thing I learnt is that "When it is true love, then nothing can be compared". Don’t worry about the heartbreak as they heal with time, the tears dry within seconds (ok may be once you fall asleep) however the laughter, the joy and the happiness…… trust me they can never be replaced! These are the beauty of LOVING!

The crazy aspect of loving is the torture of the doubt (Did I say doubt). You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you are doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder every day if you’re the only one or wonder at night if you’ll still be in a relationship by the morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do.

I must confess that I have been guilty of this part of loving; although mine was in a different form. I kept asking myself if I was good enough, what I was doing wrong, why this whole thing is happening and if it was all worth it. My issue was that an idea had been firmly engrained in my mind that kept making me feel uncertain, and once an idea has been fixed in my head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget, I just can’t. And my subconscious takes them serious that I later refer to those statements in my mind whenever I feel unworthy, making me more certain that I definitely was the problem or was the one doing something wrong or wasn’t good enough. I say this is my own worst part in loving and it’s undeniably the toughest!

Now, the worst part of love to some people and definitely the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I said it’s the easiest for me simply because the torture is finally over, I mean the tears are over and done with, the emotional tortures? Over! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t see any use wailing over spilt milk. You are supposed to just get up, pick up the pieces and do something meaningful with your life. You make yourself happy and inspire your mind with lovely things. Tell yourself over and over that you deserve so much better and you are “always going to be best thing he/she never had”,, go shopping (in my case buy yourself that Chanel bag after all you deserve it plus you’re not thinking straight at this moment J so suffer the bank balance pain later) tell yourself again that you deserve better and to be happy, and then make yourself desirable.. 

Did I hear you say heartbreak???

And finally, the easiest part of loving to some but definitely the most difficult part for me is moving on... (Seriously I struggle) I just don’t know how to do it. Sorry but I have loved in a specific place, and invested all my emotions, time etc and moving on seems near impossible for me. (But we have to move on right?) I can try going on a gazillion dates, and have an affair and some, but love is once in a lifetime for me... the best I could possibly do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy.

Having said all that, don’t get it twisted Love is the most beautiful thing/feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a smile on my face everyday...

PS: I/We will always LOVE YOU J

 

Love Life & Chanel J

Olori Amope xx