Distinctively Favoured!

I usually wake up saying “Damn not again slept through my alarm” or on a weekend “wow its 11am.. I too dey sleep” but these past few days has been different. Few days ago I woke up to a friend’s message on Facebook about "Trusting God" (See Here), the following day, I woke up to another message about "Trusting God’s Timing" and on Monday I woke up to a message about “Seeking God in Prayer and Worship”(See Here)

However this morning I woke up with the word "FAVOUR" coming out of my mouth, (strange I know) and I couldn’t stop singing “God favoured me” by Hezekiah Walker!  (Someone would think is she ok?) And the message for me in that song was that in spite of my circumstances, my enemies or whatever it is I am going through, the challenges, the fear, the trials, and the tribulations God has favoured me. See as I kept singing that song and praying on the words, I heard His whisper saying “I have distinctively favored you, I have accelerated your favour”. Do you know what it means to be distinctively favoured by God? it means you have His approval, His acceptance, His special benefits and blessing. The grin, the joy, the peace, the fulfillment in me knowing I am favoured…. I just couldn’t explain it.

Do you know the amount of times I gave up and turned my back on Him, asking so many WHY & WHAT questions, thinking He was not there…. Little did I know that He never turned His back, He was there all along, in my trial, my test, my hard times, He was waiting for me to activate my faith and I just did not know, imagine the feeling knowing God’s got your back…INCREDIBLE! I thank God because through my crises, my hard times, the good, the bad and the ugly... I am here, alive, blessed, and happy because I know the FAVOUR of God is on my life. (How amazing)

See I do not know what you might be/are going through, what your circumstances are, what the battle is, what you think you might have lost, or you feel like everyone is way ahead of you, but one thing I am sure of is that God knows how to make up for what seems like lost time, all you need is a little faith that’s what God requires from you and to believe in Him. Your circumstances may say otherwise, your situation may be speaking hell, you might feel like you’ve lost the battle, but have that BOLDNESS and BELIEVE that there is something different about you, because God has FAVORED you and set you aside for GREATNESS.

I don’t know about you but I am very pleased that God favours me, despite all that has happened and still happening around me I know that He is watching over me and protecting me against those that will rise up against me. As Psalms 37:1 says "fret not thyself because of evil doers neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity".

Until Next time….. Know that you are Blessed and Distinctively Favoured.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx

Thankful - I reflected looked back & realized how blessed I am.

                                              Thankful, Grateful and Blessed.

I went out for a drink with a friend of mine after not seeing each other for like 2 years, (blame it on life). We talked about a whole lot of things like what we’ve been up to in the last 2 years, most especially, our individual experiences. He spoke to me and tried to make me reason differently on a number of things and I learnt quite a lot from him and was greatly motivated by his words. We both talked about the very sensitive word LOVE, touching on God’s love, what love should mean, and how love should be interpreted.
One of the things he said to me was that love needs to be beyond the physical and should be spiritual; love should be self-sacrificing and never-ending, should be everything that's different from what we see in our society today and should be identical to how our God loves us.

So who do you love the most in this world.?

My natural response was "my brother of course", followed by my mother, father, nephew etc in that order. (Lol) and then my darling friend laughed and said to me, “The person you love most in this world is YOU!”.  

Well In my opinion, loving yourself greatly before anybody else hinders you from being able to show the kind of love God showers on us. If we cannot love like God, then we can at least try to make the other person smile. Going out of your way to see someone else smile is not a very common act in our society these days and it doesn't make us too friendly. God loves those that show love to the common man without expecting anything in return but a smile.

Family and friend are people that should love you, encourage you against all odds, be there for you when you need them, and ensure that you don't doubt their place in your life. So after our conversation, I found out that whilst moping complaining and feeling rejected, I actually have that one very special friend that has taken the place of ten friends in my life. A friend that understands you without judging, whilst at the same time helping you become a better version of you. It took a conversation about the love of God to realize it, but I do know now that I am genuinely loved, not just by my family, or friends that are selfless in all accounts, but I am genuinely loved by God, His love for me top that of family or friends and He constantly remains merciful and faithful me.

I would like to encourage someone today that God loves you, regardless of who you are or what your circumstances are, everything you lack, and your limitations, your expectations, your dreams, your brokenness…..everything is like an open book before God. Remember His word that says "we should not be anxious about anything but in thanksgiving through prayer and petition let your request be made known to Him". God has engraved you and I on the palms of His hands simply because of His genuine and unending love for us.  Do you understand the meaning of that word ‘engrave’, it simply means you cannot take it out. Once it is engraved, it is the part of the skin and there is no way to separate both. Remember your life with all its boundaries are constantly viewed by God, you’re His precious child, He loves you and He sees every moment of your life.  So stand up tall, wear a crown, count your blessing and be thankful.

Until Next time… you are loved, blessed and highly favored.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx

Forgiveness - The Sensible & Healthy Choice.

Forgiveness is a vital aspect of life, be it in relationships, friendships, or in our day to day activities. We should always learn to forgive regardless of how we have been wronged after all, to err is human and to forgive is divine! I used to marvel at how someone could forgive another who had deeply hurt them, then I had an experience that helped me see the pathway to forgiveness and understand how important it is to my health.
“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil."
Don’t fret; I am not going to start quoting the Bible to give you unending reasons why you should forgive. Forgiveness is a choice so I'll leave that choice to you, whilst at the same time, hoping you make the sensible one. See you need to realize that forgiveness actually begins and ends with you, not the person at fault. You have to be prepared to accept and come to terms with whatever it is you're mad about, only then can you open up your heart to forgive. Anger is one of the most vicious emotions we humans have, alongside love, jealousy, obsession, possessiveness, and hatred. Most times, anger affects our physical well-being and health in various ways and makes us totally irrational, if not destructive and most importantly anger generally affects our decisions.

What I have come to realize is that angry people are more vulnerable to sin and making the wrong decisions, so the earlier you forgive, the better for you to let go and that way, you can avoid your anger transmitting into depression, hostility, self-pity or snide remarks that may end up hurting more people around you than you anticipate! So in other to avoid these, try not to let the sun go down on your anger and try to resolve whatever upsets you before going to bed. Does it matter whether we forgive or not, after-all there’s nothing wrong with holding on to anger, hurt and desire for revenge?  well, According to cardiologist Dave Montgomery “If you have a destructive reaction to anger, you are more likely to have heart attacks,” anger has been said to trigger heart attacks, accelerate coagulation that causes pain, increases the total cholesterol of the body, and may lead to death as we are often not in control of ourselves while angry, which means there’s a powerful connection between being able to forgive and our health and happiness.

The holy books did not preach against anger although it preaches against the sin we may commit whilst angry. Jesus Christ had His moments of anger, and it is in the holy books the only difference is that his anger did not stop him from winning souls, spreading the gospel, healing people, and being a gentle soul. As a matter of fact, God himself (who is without sin), is said to have gotten angry a few times in the bible, yet, He forgives us...  so who are you and who am I to hold a person in debt of their mistakes (especially when we know the possible risks our anger can trigger). Forgiveness is a choice and should be principal. You can choose to forgive, move on, and live in peace and happiness; or you can choose to remain angry, and throw away the good the Lord has blessed you with via your anger. Making mistakes is a regular part of life, nonetheless you should never allow yourself to be held back by your mistakes nor should you allow another pay for their mistakes forever!

I was an emotional wreck after my own experience, however, only after I made the decision to forgive was I able to have peace and live a fully healthy life again. See it is very possible to be happy again, you need to overcome and go on to be happy and you can only do this by leaving behind your past and therefore improving your well-being. Perhaps you have been the victim or someone had offended you or maybe there is something in your life for which you need to forgive yourself.  I guarantee you can find peace and happiness in your life by forgiving yourselves or others, letting go of your past and moving forward.  No one can do it for you, only you can.  It wasn’t easy for me, but I found that by forgiving, I was refusing to allow what happened to have power over me and that was the most powerful and healthy choice I could make.
So, for the love of God and for your own welfare, comfort and happiness I beseech you to forgive whoever has trespassed against you or wronged in any way, forgive yourself of everything as the Lord himself forgives you of your sins, leave your past behind and move forward.  

Until next time…. Forgiveness is Divine!

Vida Amorosa
Olori Amope xx

Be Intentional - Live On Purpose!

Intentionality allows God to use us to do the extraordinary through the ordinary - Trisha Davis

I thought I did know what kind of life I want to live, but in reality I was just allowing things to happen, situations to change, and moments to pass by. 

Then something happened that changed everything…..
After this event, expressing my feelings became a powerful means for me to connect with myself. For the first time, I became aware of my deepest desires, my purpose, my values, my hopes and dreams.  We all have unforeseen/unplanned situations in life that we may not be prepared for, but intentional living is something we determine to do irrespective of our circumstances. It has more to do with what we do with our life than what happens to us. We sometimes make plans but due to circumstances outside of our control, the said plans can be interrupted, delayed, or altered. It happens every day, from simple distractions that keep us from accomplishing what we may have planned for the day to major events that alter our lives.

I had the privilege to attend "The Ladies Fellowship" online meeting called “Girl Intentionally” (you can follow them HERE) in this meeting we discussed how to live Intentionally and the power of Intention and of course focusing on the Bible. We looked into the story of few women in the Bible who lived with Intention, women like Esther, Ruth, Mary. Click HERE for more on "Girl Intentionally". You need to take time out to seek God, to ask Him for direction for your life– Laying aside your plans for His plans. Not that God doesn’t care about our plans or our desires, He knows our heart, He knows our intentions and when our desires and intentions line-up with His, we are certain of great things regardless of our circumstances.
After the meeting, “Girl Intentionally” I was convinced and made a commitment to myself and made it my personal mission to live every day with Intention because my time here on Earth is too precious to live without purpose. As I began to put God first, I found that things seemed to fall into place, things I never expected or imagined. Not that it made everything easy or removed the challenges that I face on a daily basis, but now regardless of my circumstances I have peace, Joy and happiness. Now, my Living with Intention is based on my understanding of who God is and who He made me to be. You need to lay a proper foundation.

You need to realize that your life is made up of choices and opportunities, and you need to take advantage of the opportunities God made available to you. You don’t have to let the circumstances of your past negatively determine your life in the future; you have a choice in the matter. Do not be stuck in the same pattern of living that you have been for years; every day is a new opportunity, examine yourself and know who you are. Since the major events that happened in my life previously and recently, I have been spending  my time trying to figure out what happened, expressing and finding out about myself, I took a step back, analyze my life and realized that I had missed out on some things in life and if I continue like this I will be missing out on so many things. I am still on an incredibly windy journey to find my purpose and achieve my goals, of course it is not easy but I’m making progress. My support system is unbelievable, filled with families, friends and mentors who are helping me on my journey as I am now intentionally creating a life I love.

Here are my lesson learnt from "The Ladies Fellowship" meeting on living an Intentional life:
1. Define your Purpose and Dream big.
Identify what you want your life to communicate and contribute. Find a passion to live for that is bigger than you. Only consider the “whats” right now and not the “hows” (you’ll figure that out later). Focus on what you’ll be doing, not how you’re going to make it happen.
2. Set your goals.
Goals move us and goals shape us when you know what’s vital to you, Set goals that are directly in line with your defined purpose (Intention). By their very nature, they will introduce intentionality into your life.
3. Stay Focused.
The world we live in now is full of endless connectivity and distraction (social media I must say) that is begging for our attention practically every moment of the day. Turn off the distraction and live your life instead. Learn to remove unnecessary things that are robbing you of time and energy that could be better spent living intentionally.
4. Review and Refresh.
Make sure that your actions aligned with your values and your goals, Make sure that what you’re doing today is preparing you for the kind of person you want to be a year from now. Learn from like minded people, what can you do today to get you one step closer to that peaceful, happy life you’ve imagined for yourself? Go do it! 

So what about you? Are you living an Intentional life or planning to live an Intentional life? Are there changes you keep telling yourself you’ll make “when you have time” or “when the time is right?” Well, the time is now, make that decision to live with Intent, Let go and allow your intent to unfold. Irrespective of the unforeseen circumstances, challenges, or life changing events, we can still decide to live with intention. When you choose to live with Intention, you are basically deciding what’s important to you, and then making choices that honor what you decide is important. Living intentionally obliges us to move beyond circumstances, and rise above them, to keep our focus on our purpose in life. Seek God each day, take time out of your schedules and learn to rest in Him, you will find peace for your souls and learn to live with more intention.

Until next time, have the mind to live with purpose, focus! Decide to live your life.

Love Live and Be Intentional
Olori Amope xx

Seeing People Through The Eyes of Love.

“Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast and is not proud. Love honors others selflessly and is forgiving, keeping no record of wrongs done. Love rejoices in the Truth, protecting, trusting, hoping and enduring”. See 1 Corinthians 13:4

We usually judge people based on appearance without knowing their story etc…  (I personally I have been a victim) I wonder why? I am a living proof, I have been judge so many times by people but sometimes I look at them shook my head and say "if only you know a tiny bit of my story".
We haven’t walked in their shoes, we don’t know the struggles they’ve been through, we don’t know their background challenges or circumstances! All we know and see is that “I don’t know why they act that way”…etc. The truth is, there is a reason why people are the way they are! If we took the time to know their story, we would be much more forgiving. If we understood the battles that they’ve fought or are fighting, the pain they’ve endured/are enduring, the people that have done them wrong, we would give them a lot more mercy. We wouldn’t be critical because they went through and got a divorce, or they went through and messed up their relationship or they’ve ignored you or are unfriendly, or because they’ve got an addiction… You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes; you don’t know the stress that they are under.

Side Bar: Proverbs 15:4 “A gentle tongue brings healing”. Bring healing, not judgment on people.

Sometimes, we judge people based on the experiences that we’ve been through. It’s easy to say: “I wouldn’t have done this/that; I wouldn’t have gotten a divorce/smoked/, I wouldn’t even have married/dated that person so I wouldn’t even have gotten a divorce or broken up like he/she did.” But I always say to people before you judge that person, have you walked in his/her shoes? Do you know what he/she has been through or is going through? Would you have known what you would have or have not done if you have not walked in their shoes? What gives you the right to judge how that particular person should live or should have lived their life? You have not gone through the same experiences so don’t jump into conclusion. We all have strengths and weaknesses, we are strong in certain areas, not because we’re great or we decided to be strong, but because of the Grace of God in our lives.

When we understand people’s story it can change our perspective and we overlook a lot of their faults. Everyone has the right of a bad day this world is full of people that need someone who understands. We can either see them through the eyes of judgment – be hard/harsh or see them through eyes of love, eyes of mercy, and eyes of understanding. The real fact is “The way you see other people is the way they are going to see you”. The same seeds that you are sowing, you will reap.
One of the greatest traits that we can develop is to “believe the best in people”. We can all criticize and see faults in others, People are human, they all make mistakes (and so do you). They are all going to do things that we don’t understand. But just as the Bible/Quran says, Love overlooks the other person’s faults. Love makes room for weaknesses, Love doesn’t magnify a mistake. Instead of taking comments, criticisms and bad things that people do to you personally, make allowances, show mercy, do what you can to show love. When you see people through eyes of love your whole perspective changes… rather than seeing challenges, you see opportunities this is because you see the possibilities and potential in people and situations, instead of the limitations. Love brings healing and forgiveness.  It transforms hurt, fear, and conflict into harmony.  But it starts with you…

Sidebar: There is always a behind story. God put them there so that you can love them back into wholeness.

The challenge now, is to start seeing people through the eyes of Love. Instead of being critical and instantly writing them off, take time out to get to know them, find out what they are all about. God puts people in our lives not to be judged, but so that we can help bring healing. Every time we show mercy, every time we overlook a fault, every time we give people the benefit of a doubt, we’re bringing hope, restoration, healing to them.
Until Next Time….. Don’t be part of the problem, be part of the solution.

Love Life & Sunshine :)
Olori Amope xx

The Three Secrets to Happiness.

The Three Secrets to Happiness. Post written by Leo Babauta.

Few months ago I was reading different articles about Happiness, and I came across this post so I thought I had to share, as it focuses on what is important... AND YES I have tried it and it worked for me and still working which is why I have decided to share it with everyone. Happy reading.

We all know that money can buy many things BUT can’t buy happiness … but many times we act as if we’d be happier with a bit more money. We are conditioned to want to be rich (when we know the rich aren’t happy either and yes they also cry); we are trained to want the latest gadget or style that television tells us to want; we want to earn more money because then we’ll have the good life. But none of that will bring us happiness. No matter how much we earn, no matter how much we have in the bank, no matter how nice our clothing or cars or toys, none of it will make us happier. And the sad thing is that it could take us decades of pursuing wealth and luxury items before we realize this.

So what will bring us happiness?

Luckily, it’s three things that don’t cost a thing. These three things have been proven by research — surveys of hundreds of thousands of people about what they have, what their lives are like, and how

Here they are, the Three Secrets to Happiness:

1. Good Relationships: We have a human need to be close, to be intimate, with other human beings. Having good, supportive friendships, a strong marriage or close and loving relationships with our family members will make us much more likely to be happy.

Action Steps: Take time, today, to spend time with your loved ones, to tell them what they mean to you, to listen to them, and develop your relationship with them.

2. Positive Thinking: I’m obviously a big proponent of positive thinking as the best way to achieve your goals, but I also discovered that it can lead to happiness too. Optimism and self-esteem are some of the best indicators of people who lead happy lives. When I'm happy I feel empowered, in control of my life and have a positive outlook on life. 

Action steps: I always tell people to Make positive thinking a habit, this should be one of the first habits you develop. By Getting into the habit of squashing all negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Instead of “I can’t” think “I can”. It may sound corny.

Sidebar: Read Post "Choose to be Positive Mind"(here)

3) The Flow: The state we enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us. We are so immersed in our task that we lose track of time. Having work and leisure that gets you in this state of flow will almost undoubtedly lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they’re passively mindless, but when they’re absorbed in a mindful challenge. 

Action steps: Find work that you’re passionate about. Seriously — this is an extremely important step. Find hobbies that you’re passionate about. Turn off the TV — this is the opposite of flow — and get outside and do something that truly engages you.

Until Next Time...... You’ve been given the Three Secrets to Happiness. Don’t waste them!

Love Life & Be Happy

Olori Amope xx
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Love Is....?

  
I have been a little under the weather lately but thank God I am recovering (seriously all I want to do all day everyday is sleep) good it’s the weekend so I plan to spend my Saturday sleeping (Don’t blame me, I’ve had a very hectic week)
Anyway!

I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely did not know how to express what’s on my mind, but I will write as my spirit leads. Seriously it took me a while.

Recently, I've been reading (Kind of) a lot on love, forgiveness and relationships trust me I know I am not competent to tell anyone about love, but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. We all know that love is not full of roses; a love that appears sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way.  If you have ever fallen in love, (like me) you will realize that it is almost the loveliest thing on earth and also the saddest; (Correct me if I am wrong), very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I have once tasted/experienced/felt that sweet-delectable-hot-treacherous-passionate love before and of course the both of us got burned on the way out, but one thing I learnt is that "When it is true love, then nothing can be compared". Don’t worry about the heartbreak as they heal with time, the tears dry within seconds (ok may be once you fall asleep) however the laughter, the joy and the happiness…… trust me they can never be replaced! These are the beauty of LOVING!

The crazy aspect of loving is the torture of the doubt (Did I say doubt). You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you are doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder every day if you’re the only one or wonder at night if you’ll still be in a relationship by the morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do.

I must confess that I have been guilty of this part of loving; although mine was in a different form. I kept asking myself if I was good enough, what I was doing wrong, why this whole thing is happening and if it was all worth it. My issue was that an idea had been firmly engrained in my mind that kept making me feel uncertain, and once an idea has been fixed in my head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget, I just can’t. And my subconscious takes them serious that I later refer to those statements in my mind whenever I feel unworthy, making me more certain that I definitely was the problem or was the one doing something wrong or wasn’t good enough. I say this is my own worst part in loving and it’s undeniably the toughest!

Now, the worst part of love to some people and definitely the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I said it’s the easiest for me simply because the torture is finally over, I mean the tears are over and done with, the emotional tortures? Over! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t see any use wailing over spilt milk. You are supposed to just get up, pick up the pieces and do something meaningful with your life. You make yourself happy and inspire your mind with lovely things. Tell yourself over and over that you deserve so much better and you are “always going to be best thing he/she never had”,, go shopping (in my case buy yourself that Chanel bag after all you deserve it plus you’re not thinking straight at this moment J so suffer the bank balance pain later) tell yourself again that you deserve better and to be happy, and then make yourself desirable.. 

Did I hear you say heartbreak???

And finally, the easiest part of loving to some but definitely the most difficult part for me is moving on... (Seriously I struggle) I just don’t know how to do it. Sorry but I have loved in a specific place, and invested all my emotions, time etc and moving on seems near impossible for me. (But we have to move on right?) I can try going on a gazillion dates, and have an affair and some, but love is once in a lifetime for me... the best I could possibly do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy.

Having said all that, don’t get it twisted Love is the most beautiful thing/feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a smile on my face everyday...

PS: I/We will always LOVE YOU J

 

Love Life & Chanel J

Olori Amope xx

 

Trusting God's Timing.

“Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for him to act …. Don’t fret and worry — it only leads to harm.” (Psalm 37:7-8 LB)

Hi Folks, hope we all had a lovely Easter break. Anyone who is close to me knows one of my weaknesses is "worry" yes I worry too much sometimes, even over little things. After an event that happened to me yesterday evening I reminded myself how I need to worry less and trust God's timing more.

In life we are always waiting for something the moment we prayed, however God established a set time to bring the promise to past. The question is do you trust God enough to believe your set time is coming or are you getting discouraged? Don’t let negative thoughts talk you out of it, quit worrying about it.

Quit worrying about who is ahead of you and run your own race, God is with you and he has provided solution for you/me. Think about how precise God’s timing is, you can trust God’s timing He has it all figured out, God promises and He will be true to His word.

Side bar: I Thank God that His promises for me are already in my future.

If it hasn’t happened yet, have a new approach and say “God I trust your timing” as it is usually through faith and patience that we accomplish the promise.

Say this often (Even though it seems like I forgot to say this to myself yesterday)

“God I am not going to get discouraged, if it doesn’t happen immediately I am not going to give up because it is taking so many weeks, months, year, but I know the set time is already in my future, so I am going to wait with faith and patience because it is on the way".

God will defeat your enemy and get you to where you want to be, when you delight yourself in the lord, He will give you the desires of your heart so be patience, and let God open the door.

Side Bar: "The battle is not yours, the battle is the Lords"

When you pursue God’s dream for your life, you’re going to run into delays. God uses those waiting periods to prepare you and test you so that you can face whatever is coming in the next phase of your faith.

“Lord I trust you, I know you have already set time to bring me out, you’ve already set the time to vindicate me, you’ve set the time to bring healing, so I am going to be still and know that you are God.”

Do your part and rest, trust God’s timing because sometimes God will delay an answer so that He can show His power in a greater way. Trust God’s timing, stand still and you will see God deliver you, when you remain at rest, Almighty God will fight your battle.

Until next time… Remember your time is in God’s hands.

Love life & Trust God.

Olori Amope xx

Choose To be Positive Mind - Having a Positive Mindset

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. (Unknown)

“Positive people also have negative thoughts. They just don’t let these thoughts control them”.

Ok, so today I am going to talk about having a positive mind, I know it is a tough one especially when you have been through a lot or going through a lot, but believe me if I can do, you can too.

We can choose to be happy or dwell on what did not work out (Past), either way it is a choice. When you wake up in the morning choose to be happy, positive, grateful and be alive.

A negative attitude will limit your life. One of the things I constantly say to myself to keep my positive mind is “I know God has something better for me, God has me in the palm of his hands, I know and I am confident the right people and opportunities are already in my future”. I say this boldly with authority because I am child of God.

It is not our circumstances that make us negative, it is our attitude towards those circumstances, have you ever noticed that positive people always focus on the possibilities and not the problem; they know that God is in control. Believe me when you are positive you are passing the test already.

Set your mind on higher things and keep it set.  Set your mind on victory, blessing, expecting good things. If you do not set you mind negative thoughts will set it for you. Say this to yourself “God’s favor is surrounding me like a shield”. When you believe in what you are saying it gets God’s attention, one good break can make up for all the bad breaks. Pay attention to what you are thinking, you cannot think negative and have a positive life.

God said “if we have faith like that of a mustard seed, we can say to the mountain to move from here to there and it will move” so why don’t we do just that, talk to the mountain and not about the mountain and see that nothing will be impossible for you.  I know it is easier said than done, but believe me I have been through it. When you stay positive, you start to see things in a positive way and you start to live a positive life. A colleague of mine every Monday morning always says “Shake off the negatives and hold on to the positives… this week I will not be moved by negativity”. Trust me she is not a believer, and most times I say to myself if she is not a believer and she has this kind of positive vibe…. Then I as a believer I do not have a choice but to remain positive because I have a God who is bigger than all my problems/obstacles.

Always surround yourself with positive people, if you are surrounded with negative people you will start to think negatively too.  Anytime I am down I have a friend/sister who I usually call and I know she will give me constructive and yet loving feedback,  I remembered last December I was in the process of something and there was what looks like an obstacle that might stop me,  I picked up the phone and called her, from the tone of my voice she knew there was something wrong and immediately she said to me “ we are not going to talk about this mountain, we are going to talk to it”, believe me I felt better after speaking with her that day, we talked to the mountain and we prayed about it. When you are stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking. Build a network of people who approach life in a positive way and spend less time with those who bring will bring you down.

Another way I keep positive mind is by singing, trust me I do not have the best voice, my brother always say to me please don’t quit your day job (lol) but I notice that every time I sing I always feel better, I do not know about some people but when I sing I show my feelings and it gives me amazing stress relief. One of my favorite song is by Sinach “Rejoice” The lyrics goes “I am going dance and praise him, it doesn’t matter what comes my way because the greater one lives inside of me and his name is Jesus. I am born winner, more than victorious and I am a heir of his kingdom, filled with the Holy Ghost.

So my dear, yes you, I am talking to you, you think how will you overcome this problem, you cannot handle it. Well why not try and shake off your negativity, you have a destiny to fulfill, be positive leave it all to God, He knows how to accelerate things and go by your day job and constantly say this to yourself confidently and with authority as a child of God “The God I serve is well and able to deliver me, no weapon formed against me will prosper, I am getting better and better in every way.

 Until next time…. Remember to “Shake off the negatives and keep a positive mind”

Love Life & Stay Positive.

Olori Amope xx

Never Let a Man Define Who You Are.

I do hope I am not sounding like a sexist, please don’t get me wrong I do love men, but I am always in support of girl power. Yes you heard right!

So I have had this on my mind for a while after watching Nollywood (African Hollywood), Nollywood movies are predictable, some don't even make sense and sometimes I always feel this cannot happen for real, and then minutes later I'm like hang on, it happened to so and so, oh I have experienced something similar. I have one way or the other experienced what I blog about or have close relationship with someone who has. At a particular stage/age in my life I realized that if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away and if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. We as a woman need to stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle: If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay in a relationship because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? (I know some people will attack me for this statement). Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. 

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later: I always think this statement is a bit unfair on the men… but then again speaking from experience and I mean personal experience I’m afraid to say its very true, they do use it against you and I personally think such  man is an insecure egocentric bastard (Pardon my words). Don’t get me wrong I am not saying hide things from your man, all I am saying  is have your own cherished little secret. 

You cannot change a man's behavior: Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. I cannot stress this enough, a man will always be a man and trust me you cannot change him, (Only God ) and of course unless he wants to change himself, then you can help him.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...Compromise is a two way thing; you should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Oh I love dating, dating is fun, you get to know more about each other, enjoy each others company from the usual norm and this goes to married couple as well, never stop dating each other, date night, holiday, weekend away etc. its fun. Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. (My Opinion).

The Fear of Being Alone:  As this has always been my fear, I am so glad one way or the other I was able to overcome it, ( I am not completely there yet) see happiness is a choice and comes from within, “oh I am so lonely, oh I’m bored, who will have me if I let him go? The fear of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in hurtful relationships. My mother once said to me that “no matter how much you love a man or how much he loves you always know that you are the best thing that could ever happen to anyone  and make him (the man) understand that if he maltreats you he will never find anyone  better”. And trust me if you make that known to them and they still maltreats you, and then he'll miss out on a good thing, after all the bible also says "He that finds a wife, finds a good thing". If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one, they're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts... 

PS: Never let a man define who you are. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

Love Life & Mulberry

Olori Amope.

Snooping! A very bad and terrible must stop habit.

I was having a conversation with two close friends of mine (luckily a male and female) about Snooping in a relationship, from a man’s perspective he said it’s a no no, from a woman, I did agree however to some extent… there might be a reason behind it, we noticed my female friend kept mute, I wondered what was going on. So I asked Liz (I have just used a random name for confidentiality) I hope you are ok, can see you are not contributing.

Alas… Liz has a whole lot to say…..

My past relationships and my last marriage hasn’t exactly been the best of them all, I have previously been with men who constantly cheat and think once they tell you they love you or spend their entire time with you then it is alright for them to cheat with other girls. Some I have had the privileged to catch them and others got away with it by lying. I have this gift, I say it’s a gift because I know it is (Lol) if a man is lying to me I can easily tell, especially if they are an open book, (Easy to read).

"My new relationship was going on well, I had no reason to doubt" (mainly because we had dated before and we had always loved each other)

However there was a hiccup….. Another chick (Apparently just friends)
So he told me about this lady and how they met and he was going to travel over 4000miles to see her and potentially date her… ok that got me really jealous like no man had ever done that for me before (with genuine intentions), but we continued seeing each other and hoping things will go according to plan which eventually did, met his family and extended, friends, took a life time commitment out for me in his name. So with all these I had no doubt he loves and want to spend the rest of his life with me.

Paranoia & Insecurities………..
These two are bitches, they can ruin something good and they almost ruin mine (I was determined not to let them) … for some reason I knew he was not telling me the real truth, but because he knew a whole lot about my past I felt is he saying/doing things to protect me or is he telling the truth I was not sure.

One day I accidentally glanced at his phone when he was beside me and I noticed he was chatting to this dear lady of his, so the next day I innocently asked about the lady and the response I got did not tally. So stupidly I developed an habit of snooping around in my relationship and I finally got caught one morning, he caught me and I apologized and promised it will never happen again and believe me it did not happen for a while, till when my paranoia spirit cropped up again and I started the snooping game and this time I saw things that kept making me return almost every 2 weeks, believe me it was not pleasant for me, whilst 80% of me knew he loved me wholeheartedly, the other 20% was being pushed by my paranoia, I wanted this man to myself so bad, I did not want to share him with another woman, I am done sharing I want to be selfish this time, even though it wasn’t cheating, it was only flirting I still did not want it.

But this time I got caught and I go caught real bad
So here is the question:
Is there anything one can do for damage control? Do men get over such behavior?
It is important to remember that no matter what happened I did in fact violate his trust and privacy on a pretty deep level. As one can’t have a meaningful relationship when it’s not built on a solid foundation of trust. (Hey boo if you are reading or stumble on this… I do trust you and I am sorry)
Here are what I did  for a chance of repairing  my relationship (I am still in the begging zone and praying he listens.)

1) I explained my actions.
Now that I’ve been caught, he’s probably thinking about all the times that I “just knew” something and he probably feels like a fool. And in addition to thinking of all the times that I probably violated his trust and privacy in the past, he is probably pretty certain I’ll do it again in the future, especially if times get tough and I start to worry. I had to make sure that I understand the gravity of what I did, it wasn’t about what I saw anymore, it was about violating his trust and privacy, so in other for him to know that I’ll NEVER snoop again and Ever again,
In order to believe that, I made him: ( I hope he believed me)

• Understand why I snooped.
• Understand what I was feeling to make me feel like you had no choice but to snoop.
• Understand that I am sorry and that you know it was wrong.
• Understand what I’ll do from now on so that I’ll never do it again.

2) I had to face the music.
Once I said my piece, I had to let him say whatever he has to say. I did not argue with him, did not fight him and did not try to justify my actions or defend myself. Believe I was just apologizing, there’s no spinning this, I was clearly in the wrong here and if he feels I am trying to squirm my way out, it’ll just complicate things straight up.

3) I reminded him how much I love him and that I only snooped because I was afraid I’d lose him.
OK, after I had listened to him (REALLY listened and let it sunk in), I then reminded him of how much I value him (In case he had forgotten)  I reminded him of how much I love him and I was afraid I’d lose him – and that’s why I felt compelled to snoop and risk violating everything with him. I told him I felt overwhelmed by my fears of losing him because I love him so much. (This were all genuinely feelings and was all coming from the bottom of my heart) I have never been genuinely sorry in my life, this was the first time, because I saw a man who loved me for who I am and I almost ruin it all.

4) I apologized and vowed to NEVER, EVER, EVER snoop again.
Once I shared how much I love him and we both talked it through, I then sincerely apologize. (From the bottom of my heart because this man was ready to let go of the relationship, based on other things I am not able to share on here), however he said he needs time and space to think about it all.
I can’t guarantee he or she will stay or even give you a chance to defend yourself, however, following these steps will give anyone the best possible chance of redeeming themselves and repairing the damage to their relationship.


Guys pick up on when you “know something” and now that you already have a strike against you, he’ll be especially sensitive if he gets the sense that you know something you shouldn’t have known. If he decides to stay with you, he might even set a “trap” to test to see if you’ll snoop again.
So I would urge you to go legit from now on.

PS:
Hopefully this will be the wake up call needed (It definitely was for me) to stop snooping around going forward – it’s not worth it. I learnt that it is better to communicate your fears, worries, doubt etc with your partner rather than violate their privacy.


Love Life & Stop Snooping!

Olori Amope.
Twitter @OloriAmope