Forgiveness - The Sensible & Healthy Choice.

Forgiveness is a vital aspect of life, be it in relationships, friendships, or in our day to day activities. We should always learn to forgive regardless of how we have been wronged after all, to err is human and to forgive is divine! I used to marvel at how someone could forgive another who had deeply hurt them, then I had an experience that helped me see the pathway to forgiveness and understand how important it is to my health.
“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil."
Don’t fret; I am not going to start quoting the Bible to give you unending reasons why you should forgive. Forgiveness is a choice so I'll leave that choice to you, whilst at the same time, hoping you make the sensible one. See you need to realize that forgiveness actually begins and ends with you, not the person at fault. You have to be prepared to accept and come to terms with whatever it is you're mad about, only then can you open up your heart to forgive. Anger is one of the most vicious emotions we humans have, alongside love, jealousy, obsession, possessiveness, and hatred. Most times, anger affects our physical well-being and health in various ways and makes us totally irrational, if not destructive and most importantly anger generally affects our decisions.

What I have come to realize is that angry people are more vulnerable to sin and making the wrong decisions, so the earlier you forgive, the better for you to let go and that way, you can avoid your anger transmitting into depression, hostility, self-pity or snide remarks that may end up hurting more people around you than you anticipate! So in other to avoid these, try not to let the sun go down on your anger and try to resolve whatever upsets you before going to bed. Does it matter whether we forgive or not, after-all there’s nothing wrong with holding on to anger, hurt and desire for revenge?  well, According to cardiologist Dave Montgomery “If you have a destructive reaction to anger, you are more likely to have heart attacks,” anger has been said to trigger heart attacks, accelerate coagulation that causes pain, increases the total cholesterol of the body, and may lead to death as we are often not in control of ourselves while angry, which means there’s a powerful connection between being able to forgive and our health and happiness.

The holy books did not preach against anger although it preaches against the sin we may commit whilst angry. Jesus Christ had His moments of anger, and it is in the holy books the only difference is that his anger did not stop him from winning souls, spreading the gospel, healing people, and being a gentle soul. As a matter of fact, God himself (who is without sin), is said to have gotten angry a few times in the bible, yet, He forgives us...  so who are you and who am I to hold a person in debt of their mistakes (especially when we know the possible risks our anger can trigger). Forgiveness is a choice and should be principal. You can choose to forgive, move on, and live in peace and happiness; or you can choose to remain angry, and throw away the good the Lord has blessed you with via your anger. Making mistakes is a regular part of life, nonetheless you should never allow yourself to be held back by your mistakes nor should you allow another pay for their mistakes forever!

I was an emotional wreck after my own experience, however, only after I made the decision to forgive was I able to have peace and live a fully healthy life again. See it is very possible to be happy again, you need to overcome and go on to be happy and you can only do this by leaving behind your past and therefore improving your well-being. Perhaps you have been the victim or someone had offended you or maybe there is something in your life for which you need to forgive yourself.  I guarantee you can find peace and happiness in your life by forgiving yourselves or others, letting go of your past and moving forward.  No one can do it for you, only you can.  It wasn’t easy for me, but I found that by forgiving, I was refusing to allow what happened to have power over me and that was the most powerful and healthy choice I could make.
So, for the love of God and for your own welfare, comfort and happiness I beseech you to forgive whoever has trespassed against you or wronged in any way, forgive yourself of everything as the Lord himself forgives you of your sins, leave your past behind and move forward.  

Until next time…. Forgiveness is Divine!

Vida Amorosa
Olori Amope xx

Live an Inspired Life.

Over the years I use to beat myself up for things I could have done or should have done, I later realized that living a life of guilt for the things you could or should have done is no way to live. It took me a while to snap out of this life but one faithful day I decided it is time and chose instead to live an inspired life taking advantage of every moment and opportunity that comes my way. This made me realize that when you choose to or are living an inspired life, there are simply no regrets, only promises and hope for a better future.

Side Bar: I have said throughout my journey I will share my views and experience. So how do you live an inspired life starting today?

Living an inspired life means you are running your own race, following your own path and your own dreams. So many people are forced onto a path by others that they completely lose touch with their own dreams. People will often say and do whatever they feel is right, however, what might be right for them may not be right for you. Everyone has their own opinion and perspective about things, this perspective is colored by their own beliefs, values and assumptions and does this make it wrong or right? Not necessarily. It’s just an opinion, and yes everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however don’t build your life solely based on what other people think is best for you, I know someone who always base their decision on the majority’s opinion… (You know when someone already made a decision but needs others backup) and apparently “majority cannot be wrong” or “the majority are older so they know better” I mean, why should you let other people decide for you? Is it their life? No… Remember it is your life and you have absolute control over your life, do not let other people’s opinion affect your own decision, do not allow people think for you or make your mind up for you.

To live an inspired life you have to improve yourself, and focus on self-improvement, after a certain event in my life, I literally had to pinch and tell myself that rather than wallow in self-pity all day, I can actually learn so many things in this world and make something better of myself. I mean I had to think about all the skills I could learn or all the knowledge I could possibly gain. I noticed that all these things are available and at my disposal as long as I am willing to go out there and make them my own. So think about the different ways you can improve yourself, your interactions with others, and the world around you. You have the full power to activate these changes today, take positive action to make these things solid in your life. Spend your time wisely and prudently on the most important things that have the greatest meaning in your life. If you are not living a life built around your core values and passions, then you are not really living at all. You are just taking up space living life without purpose. You need to outline what it is you’re passionate about, clarify what your core values are, live your life with purpose every single day and spend time with people who encourage, motivate, inspire, love and support you, people that will be there for you when things get difficult.

You have to step outside your comfort zone and try something different and new. I know most of us like our comfort zone after all that’s our safe zone, but really we can only discover something new about ourselves if we try something else from the norm that we are used to, what have you got to lose? I know for most people, this is definitely not how they will choose to live their lives, they’d rather try and avoid variety at all costs, and instead live a mundane existence and at the end of it they end up regretting the things they failed to do, or never even attempted. I had to leave my comfort zone and try things I wouldn’t even think of doing, and guess what, I am glad I did, because I had that sense of fulfillment and know that I am truly living and experiencing life in all its glory. Hence say “yes” more often to new experiences and do something new and different that can help you to enlarge your horizons. As a matter of fact, welcome variation into your life. All of these things will help you add another unbelievable layer to your life that will make every moment worth living. You need to learn to overcome your fears, your fears are really there to help you learn and grow into your full potential as a human being, to help make life interesting and exciting. Many people see their fears as these dreadful giants that is about to swallow them and because of this, they are afraid to confront their fears. Do not let your fears control your decisions and actions, they are there to help you learn new things and experience the world from a different perspective. They are there to help you break new boundaries and to live the life of your dreams.

It’s natural for us to resist the natural alterations of life and the changes that often take place. It’s is usually those surprising changes that hit us unexpectedly that create the biggest resistance.  I have had to deal with an unexpected change recently and trust me it is not easy, however, change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be a very good thing. One thing I have come to realize about this life is that things will change; nothing will ever stay the same no matter how hard you try. It is difficult to accept change, I remembered been hit by an unexpected change, I didn’t have a choice but to welcome this change into my life, in that moment, I had very limited perspective of where this change will take me in the future, but now I reflect back and I realized how important and significant they were for my growth and development, Life is in a continuous change and transition, and so are you. So my advice is not to resist these changes that life throws your way. Embrace them and make the most of them to help you move your life forward.

Many people reach the end of their own life wishing they could have spent their time differently on things that mattered most to them. Unfortunately, at that stage it’s a little too late. They never got a chance to experience life as it should have been lived. Don’t let this be you. Your life is completely in your hands. It’s your choice to either live it with purpose or with regret. What choice will you make today?

Until next time…. Live an Inspired Life.

Love Life & Mulberry

Olori Amope xx

Seeing People Through The Eyes of Love.

“Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast and is not proud. Love honors others selflessly and is forgiving, keeping no record of wrongs done. Love rejoices in the Truth, protecting, trusting, hoping and enduring”. See 1 Corinthians 13:4

We usually judge people based on appearance without knowing their story etc…  (I personally I have been a victim) I wonder why? I am a living proof, I have been judge so many times by people but sometimes I look at them shook my head and say "if only you know a tiny bit of my story".
We haven’t walked in their shoes, we don’t know the struggles they’ve been through, we don’t know their background challenges or circumstances! All we know and see is that “I don’t know why they act that way”…etc. The truth is, there is a reason why people are the way they are! If we took the time to know their story, we would be much more forgiving. If we understood the battles that they’ve fought or are fighting, the pain they’ve endured/are enduring, the people that have done them wrong, we would give them a lot more mercy. We wouldn’t be critical because they went through and got a divorce, or they went through and messed up their relationship or they’ve ignored you or are unfriendly, or because they’ve got an addiction… You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes; you don’t know the stress that they are under.

Side Bar: Proverbs 15:4 “A gentle tongue brings healing”. Bring healing, not judgment on people.

Sometimes, we judge people based on the experiences that we’ve been through. It’s easy to say: “I wouldn’t have done this/that; I wouldn’t have gotten a divorce/smoked/, I wouldn’t even have married/dated that person so I wouldn’t even have gotten a divorce or broken up like he/she did.” But I always say to people before you judge that person, have you walked in his/her shoes? Do you know what he/she has been through or is going through? Would you have known what you would have or have not done if you have not walked in their shoes? What gives you the right to judge how that particular person should live or should have lived their life? You have not gone through the same experiences so don’t jump into conclusion. We all have strengths and weaknesses, we are strong in certain areas, not because we’re great or we decided to be strong, but because of the Grace of God in our lives.

When we understand people’s story it can change our perspective and we overlook a lot of their faults. Everyone has the right of a bad day this world is full of people that need someone who understands. We can either see them through the eyes of judgment – be hard/harsh or see them through eyes of love, eyes of mercy, and eyes of understanding. The real fact is “The way you see other people is the way they are going to see you”. The same seeds that you are sowing, you will reap.
One of the greatest traits that we can develop is to “believe the best in people”. We can all criticize and see faults in others, People are human, they all make mistakes (and so do you). They are all going to do things that we don’t understand. But just as the Bible/Quran says, Love overlooks the other person’s faults. Love makes room for weaknesses, Love doesn’t magnify a mistake. Instead of taking comments, criticisms and bad things that people do to you personally, make allowances, show mercy, do what you can to show love. When you see people through eyes of love your whole perspective changes… rather than seeing challenges, you see opportunities this is because you see the possibilities and potential in people and situations, instead of the limitations. Love brings healing and forgiveness.  It transforms hurt, fear, and conflict into harmony.  But it starts with you…

Sidebar: There is always a behind story. God put them there so that you can love them back into wholeness.

The challenge now, is to start seeing people through the eyes of Love. Instead of being critical and instantly writing them off, take time out to get to know them, find out what they are all about. God puts people in our lives not to be judged, but so that we can help bring healing. Every time we show mercy, every time we overlook a fault, every time we give people the benefit of a doubt, we’re bringing hope, restoration, healing to them.
Until Next Time….. Don’t be part of the problem, be part of the solution.

Love Life & Sunshine :)
Olori Amope xx

The Three Secrets to Happiness.

The Three Secrets to Happiness. Post written by Leo Babauta.

Few months ago I was reading different articles about Happiness, and I came across this post so I thought I had to share, as it focuses on what is important... AND YES I have tried it and it worked for me and still working which is why I have decided to share it with everyone. Happy reading.

We all know that money can buy many things BUT can’t buy happiness … but many times we act as if we’d be happier with a bit more money. We are conditioned to want to be rich (when we know the rich aren’t happy either and yes they also cry); we are trained to want the latest gadget or style that television tells us to want; we want to earn more money because then we’ll have the good life. But none of that will bring us happiness. No matter how much we earn, no matter how much we have in the bank, no matter how nice our clothing or cars or toys, none of it will make us happier. And the sad thing is that it could take us decades of pursuing wealth and luxury items before we realize this.

So what will bring us happiness?

Luckily, it’s three things that don’t cost a thing. These three things have been proven by research — surveys of hundreds of thousands of people about what they have, what their lives are like, and how

Here they are, the Three Secrets to Happiness:

1. Good Relationships: We have a human need to be close, to be intimate, with other human beings. Having good, supportive friendships, a strong marriage or close and loving relationships with our family members will make us much more likely to be happy.

Action Steps: Take time, today, to spend time with your loved ones, to tell them what they mean to you, to listen to them, and develop your relationship with them.

2. Positive Thinking: I’m obviously a big proponent of positive thinking as the best way to achieve your goals, but I also discovered that it can lead to happiness too. Optimism and self-esteem are some of the best indicators of people who lead happy lives. When I'm happy I feel empowered, in control of my life and have a positive outlook on life. 

Action steps: I always tell people to Make positive thinking a habit, this should be one of the first habits you develop. By Getting into the habit of squashing all negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Instead of “I can’t” think “I can”. It may sound corny.

Sidebar: Read Post "Choose to be Positive Mind"(here)

3) The Flow: The state we enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us. We are so immersed in our task that we lose track of time. Having work and leisure that gets you in this state of flow will almost undoubtedly lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they’re passively mindless, but when they’re absorbed in a mindful challenge. 

Action steps: Find work that you’re passionate about. Seriously — this is an extremely important step. Find hobbies that you’re passionate about. Turn off the TV — this is the opposite of flow — and get outside and do something that truly engages you.

Until Next Time...... You’ve been given the Three Secrets to Happiness. Don’t waste them!

Love Life & Be Happy

Olori Amope xx
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Covered by His Mercy. Forgiveness is Stronger.

So today I am writing as my spirit leads, as it is almost the end of the week I just want to encourage someone out there today, that God loves you and you are covered by His grace.

We all make mistakes do things we shouldn’t have done, easy to live in regrets (you say “oh I brought it all upon myself” “Oh I do not deserve this & that”) I have said it to myself so many times, but one thing we fail to realize is that God show mercy. Any time I noticed I’ve made a mistake I say to myself “its ok God has forgiven me and HE has helped me cleaned up this mess I put myself into”

Side bar: God’s mercy is bigger than your mistakes and will cause something good to happen from it.

It takes real boldness to believe that God will bless you in spite of your mistakes, but because you are the child of the most high God, you are redeemed and covered by His mercy. Your situation may seem like it could never turn out right, you’ve made the mess, its complicated, other people are involved, the odds are against you, I want to tell you to be encouraged because God already has the solution, He already knows how to not just bring you out, but how to clean up your mess and bring you out better.

In my time of trouble I cried unto God and he answered me, when I lost all hope I had to turn my thoughts towards God because I know salvation and deliverance comes from Him. Shake off your guilt; God will give you another chance and another chance to be the best person He has created you to be,  to fulfil the best plan He has for your life. Hold on, what am I saying?  God has already given you a second chance, accept it, and remember our God is a God of many chances.

Side bar: “it was my fault, I blew it but I am encouraged and believe things are better”

For a long time I always blame myself and always feel like “how can God forgive me when I have been so stupid” or blame myself for things I did wrong etc. but now I will say I am more matured, rather than blame myself, I just thank God for his goodness, mercy and for times I did not make good decisions, for cleaning up my mess, his faithfulness because I know that God has got me covered with his mercy “He has engraved me in the palm of His hands”.

Side bar: “God will make miracles out of my mistakes” “God will make my wrong into right”

You have made mistakes, made a mess of things, you blew it, doesn’t worry God is there for you and He can turn your mess around, all you need is to Believe in Him and let Him take charge. Salvation and deliverance comes from the Lord, He can turn your mess around and still help you become what He created you to be. You took the wrong turn? Its ok God will make it work and will help you turn things around for your good.

God’s mercy is bigger than our poor choices; He will make miracles out of our mistakes. So shake off your guilt, quit listening to the voices of the accusers because God will clean up your mess, He will turn things around for you, He's got you covered, and He will make you who He created you to be. Forgive yourself, let go and Let God.

Until next time…. Remember God's mercy is bigger than that mistake and He can turn your mistakes into miracles!

Love Life Mercy Said So!

Olori Amope xx

Choose To be Positive Mind - Having a Positive Mindset

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. (Unknown)

“Positive people also have negative thoughts. They just don’t let these thoughts control them”.

Ok, so today I am going to talk about having a positive mind, I know it is a tough one especially when you have been through a lot or going through a lot, but believe me if I can do, you can too.

We can choose to be happy or dwell on what did not work out (Past), either way it is a choice. When you wake up in the morning choose to be happy, positive, grateful and be alive.

A negative attitude will limit your life. One of the things I constantly say to myself to keep my positive mind is “I know God has something better for me, God has me in the palm of his hands, I know and I am confident the right people and opportunities are already in my future”. I say this boldly with authority because I am child of God.

It is not our circumstances that make us negative, it is our attitude towards those circumstances, have you ever noticed that positive people always focus on the possibilities and not the problem; they know that God is in control. Believe me when you are positive you are passing the test already.

Set your mind on higher things and keep it set.  Set your mind on victory, blessing, expecting good things. If you do not set you mind negative thoughts will set it for you. Say this to yourself “God’s favor is surrounding me like a shield”. When you believe in what you are saying it gets God’s attention, one good break can make up for all the bad breaks. Pay attention to what you are thinking, you cannot think negative and have a positive life.

God said “if we have faith like that of a mustard seed, we can say to the mountain to move from here to there and it will move” so why don’t we do just that, talk to the mountain and not about the mountain and see that nothing will be impossible for you.  I know it is easier said than done, but believe me I have been through it. When you stay positive, you start to see things in a positive way and you start to live a positive life. A colleague of mine every Monday morning always says “Shake off the negatives and hold on to the positives… this week I will not be moved by negativity”. Trust me she is not a believer, and most times I say to myself if she is not a believer and she has this kind of positive vibe…. Then I as a believer I do not have a choice but to remain positive because I have a God who is bigger than all my problems/obstacles.

Always surround yourself with positive people, if you are surrounded with negative people you will start to think negatively too.  Anytime I am down I have a friend/sister who I usually call and I know she will give me constructive and yet loving feedback,  I remembered last December I was in the process of something and there was what looks like an obstacle that might stop me,  I picked up the phone and called her, from the tone of my voice she knew there was something wrong and immediately she said to me “ we are not going to talk about this mountain, we are going to talk to it”, believe me I felt better after speaking with her that day, we talked to the mountain and we prayed about it. When you are stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking. Build a network of people who approach life in a positive way and spend less time with those who bring will bring you down.

Another way I keep positive mind is by singing, trust me I do not have the best voice, my brother always say to me please don’t quit your day job (lol) but I notice that every time I sing I always feel better, I do not know about some people but when I sing I show my feelings and it gives me amazing stress relief. One of my favorite song is by Sinach “Rejoice” The lyrics goes “I am going dance and praise him, it doesn’t matter what comes my way because the greater one lives inside of me and his name is Jesus. I am born winner, more than victorious and I am a heir of his kingdom, filled with the Holy Ghost.

So my dear, yes you, I am talking to you, you think how will you overcome this problem, you cannot handle it. Well why not try and shake off your negativity, you have a destiny to fulfill, be positive leave it all to God, He knows how to accelerate things and go by your day job and constantly say this to yourself confidently and with authority as a child of God “The God I serve is well and able to deliver me, no weapon formed against me will prosper, I am getting better and better in every way.

 Until next time…. Remember to “Shake off the negatives and keep a positive mind”

Love Life & Stay Positive.

Olori Amope xx

Never Let a Man Define Who You Are.

I do hope I am not sounding like a sexist, please don’t get me wrong I do love men, but I am always in support of girl power. Yes you heard right!

So I have had this on my mind for a while after watching Nollywood (African Hollywood), Nollywood movies are predictable, some don't even make sense and sometimes I always feel this cannot happen for real, and then minutes later I'm like hang on, it happened to so and so, oh I have experienced something similar. I have one way or the other experienced what I blog about or have close relationship with someone who has. At a particular stage/age in my life I realized that if a man wants you, nothing can keep him away and if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. We as a woman need to stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle: If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay in a relationship because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? (I know some people will attack me for this statement). Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. 

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later: I always think this statement is a bit unfair on the men… but then again speaking from experience and I mean personal experience I’m afraid to say its very true, they do use it against you and I personally think such  man is an insecure egocentric bastard (Pardon my words). Don’t get me wrong I am not saying hide things from your man, all I am saying  is have your own cherished little secret. 

You cannot change a man's behavior: Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. I cannot stress this enough, a man will always be a man and trust me you cannot change him, (Only God ) and of course unless he wants to change himself, then you can help him.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...Compromise is a two way thing; you should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Oh I love dating, dating is fun, you get to know more about each other, enjoy each others company from the usual norm and this goes to married couple as well, never stop dating each other, date night, holiday, weekend away etc. its fun. Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. (My Opinion).

The Fear of Being Alone:  As this has always been my fear, I am so glad one way or the other I was able to overcome it, ( I am not completely there yet) see happiness is a choice and comes from within, “oh I am so lonely, oh I’m bored, who will have me if I let him go? The fear of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in hurtful relationships. My mother once said to me that “no matter how much you love a man or how much he loves you always know that you are the best thing that could ever happen to anyone  and make him (the man) understand that if he maltreats you he will never find anyone  better”. And trust me if you make that known to them and they still maltreats you, and then he'll miss out on a good thing, after all the bible also says "He that finds a wife, finds a good thing". If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one, they're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts... 

PS: Never let a man define who you are. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

Love Life & Mulberry

Olori Amope.

Snooping! A very bad and terrible must stop habit.

I was having a conversation with two close friends of mine (luckily a male and female) about Snooping in a relationship, from a man’s perspective he said it’s a no no, from a woman, I did agree however to some extent… there might be a reason behind it, we noticed my female friend kept mute, I wondered what was going on. So I asked Liz (I have just used a random name for confidentiality) I hope you are ok, can see you are not contributing.

Alas… Liz has a whole lot to say…..

My past relationships and my last marriage hasn’t exactly been the best of them all, I have previously been with men who constantly cheat and think once they tell you they love you or spend their entire time with you then it is alright for them to cheat with other girls. Some I have had the privileged to catch them and others got away with it by lying. I have this gift, I say it’s a gift because I know it is (Lol) if a man is lying to me I can easily tell, especially if they are an open book, (Easy to read).

"My new relationship was going on well, I had no reason to doubt" (mainly because we had dated before and we had always loved each other)

However there was a hiccup….. Another chick (Apparently just friends)
So he told me about this lady and how they met and he was going to travel over 4000miles to see her and potentially date her… ok that got me really jealous like no man had ever done that for me before (with genuine intentions), but we continued seeing each other and hoping things will go according to plan which eventually did, met his family and extended, friends, took a life time commitment out for me in his name. So with all these I had no doubt he loves and want to spend the rest of his life with me.

Paranoia & Insecurities………..
These two are bitches, they can ruin something good and they almost ruin mine (I was determined not to let them) … for some reason I knew he was not telling me the real truth, but because he knew a whole lot about my past I felt is he saying/doing things to protect me or is he telling the truth I was not sure.

One day I accidentally glanced at his phone when he was beside me and I noticed he was chatting to this dear lady of his, so the next day I innocently asked about the lady and the response I got did not tally. So stupidly I developed an habit of snooping around in my relationship and I finally got caught one morning, he caught me and I apologized and promised it will never happen again and believe me it did not happen for a while, till when my paranoia spirit cropped up again and I started the snooping game and this time I saw things that kept making me return almost every 2 weeks, believe me it was not pleasant for me, whilst 80% of me knew he loved me wholeheartedly, the other 20% was being pushed by my paranoia, I wanted this man to myself so bad, I did not want to share him with another woman, I am done sharing I want to be selfish this time, even though it wasn’t cheating, it was only flirting I still did not want it.

But this time I got caught and I go caught real bad
So here is the question:
Is there anything one can do for damage control? Do men get over such behavior?
It is important to remember that no matter what happened I did in fact violate his trust and privacy on a pretty deep level. As one can’t have a meaningful relationship when it’s not built on a solid foundation of trust. (Hey boo if you are reading or stumble on this… I do trust you and I am sorry)
Here are what I did  for a chance of repairing  my relationship (I am still in the begging zone and praying he listens.)

1) I explained my actions.
Now that I’ve been caught, he’s probably thinking about all the times that I “just knew” something and he probably feels like a fool. And in addition to thinking of all the times that I probably violated his trust and privacy in the past, he is probably pretty certain I’ll do it again in the future, especially if times get tough and I start to worry. I had to make sure that I understand the gravity of what I did, it wasn’t about what I saw anymore, it was about violating his trust and privacy, so in other for him to know that I’ll NEVER snoop again and Ever again,
In order to believe that, I made him: ( I hope he believed me)

• Understand why I snooped.
• Understand what I was feeling to make me feel like you had no choice but to snoop.
• Understand that I am sorry and that you know it was wrong.
• Understand what I’ll do from now on so that I’ll never do it again.

2) I had to face the music.
Once I said my piece, I had to let him say whatever he has to say. I did not argue with him, did not fight him and did not try to justify my actions or defend myself. Believe I was just apologizing, there’s no spinning this, I was clearly in the wrong here and if he feels I am trying to squirm my way out, it’ll just complicate things straight up.

3) I reminded him how much I love him and that I only snooped because I was afraid I’d lose him.
OK, after I had listened to him (REALLY listened and let it sunk in), I then reminded him of how much I value him (In case he had forgotten)  I reminded him of how much I love him and I was afraid I’d lose him – and that’s why I felt compelled to snoop and risk violating everything with him. I told him I felt overwhelmed by my fears of losing him because I love him so much. (This were all genuinely feelings and was all coming from the bottom of my heart) I have never been genuinely sorry in my life, this was the first time, because I saw a man who loved me for who I am and I almost ruin it all.

4) I apologized and vowed to NEVER, EVER, EVER snoop again.
Once I shared how much I love him and we both talked it through, I then sincerely apologize. (From the bottom of my heart because this man was ready to let go of the relationship, based on other things I am not able to share on here), however he said he needs time and space to think about it all.
I can’t guarantee he or she will stay or even give you a chance to defend yourself, however, following these steps will give anyone the best possible chance of redeeming themselves and repairing the damage to their relationship.


Guys pick up on when you “know something” and now that you already have a strike against you, he’ll be especially sensitive if he gets the sense that you know something you shouldn’t have known. If he decides to stay with you, he might even set a “trap” to test to see if you’ll snoop again.
So I would urge you to go legit from now on.

PS:
Hopefully this will be the wake up call needed (It definitely was for me) to stop snooping around going forward – it’s not worth it. I learnt that it is better to communicate your fears, worries, doubt etc with your partner rather than violate their privacy.


Love Life & Stop Snooping!

Olori Amope.
Twitter @OloriAmope

Letter to God (My Birthday Thanks and Prayer to my Heavenly Father)

Dear Lord,

Today I thank You for another year in my life, for the gift of life and for making me the amazing woman that I am today, stronger, better, wiser and more determined than ever before,thank you Lord because I am "fearfully and wonderfully" made.

 

I am so thankful and grateful that I can say you made me to be special, even before I was born, you know me and you created me the way I was meant to be. You created me for a purpose and you love what You created in me.

Thank you Lord, for always answering my prayers and my "God Give me this and that prayer”, I just cannot thank You enough for what You have done in my life and in my heart, To bring me to where I am today. 

 

Lord I thank You because You made it known to me, that where I am in my life right now is just the beginning; that You have higher expectations for me, You have taught me that I can overcome every impossible things and obstacles by listening to your voice; obeying You and holding Your hand every step of the way. I know I truly am a miracle this day, on the day of my birth, it is not by my power but you made today happen.

I thank You Lord for another fulfilling chapter of the rest of my beautiful life where all my dreams will become a reality and mylife shall be a testimony to the glory of God in Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

 

I pray, I decree and declare and make confession that as I add another year today, the new year in my life will be a more joyous and glorious one in Jesus Name, all imperfections of the old me will be made perfect in Jesus name. I am engraved for greatness, uncommon successes, unusual achievements and advancements in Jesus Name. You will keep and protect me and satisfy me with long life, I won't add unto death sickness nor infirmity but unto greatness favour, overflowing blessings riches everything I have ever asked and more in Your name, Your blessing shall work for me all the days of my life. 

 

You will order every step I take; I will find Peace &Contentment in You Lord, the rest of my days I will spend in Prosperity & Pleasure. Your grace will continually abide with me so that I shall be sufficient in all things. My going out & coming in shall be blessed, my daily Bread & Water shall be blessed, I will continue to receive your unending favors and answers to prayers,

 

Thank You lord for surrounding me with beautiful families and friends, I am truly blessed to have them. And I thank God for all of you. I pray I will continue to be a blessing to them, everyone around me and make impact in my generation.

I pray for many more years of God's goodness and mercy all the days of my life and I pray all I silently pray/wish for will be granted this season.

 

I love You lord, praise You, I honour You. For You are worthy of all my praise.