Love Is....?

  
I have been a little under the weather lately but thank God I am recovering (seriously all I want to do all day everyday is sleep) good it’s the weekend so I plan to spend my Saturday sleeping (Don’t blame me, I’ve had a very hectic week)
Anyway!

I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely did not know how to express what’s on my mind, but I will write as my spirit leads. Seriously it took me a while.

Recently, I've been reading (Kind of) a lot on love, forgiveness and relationships trust me I know I am not competent to tell anyone about love, but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. We all know that love is not full of roses; a love that appears sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way.  If you have ever fallen in love, (like me) you will realize that it is almost the loveliest thing on earth and also the saddest; (Correct me if I am wrong), very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I have once tasted/experienced/felt that sweet-delectable-hot-treacherous-passionate love before and of course the both of us got burned on the way out, but one thing I learnt is that "When it is true love, then nothing can be compared". Don’t worry about the heartbreak as they heal with time, the tears dry within seconds (ok may be once you fall asleep) however the laughter, the joy and the happiness…… trust me they can never be replaced! These are the beauty of LOVING!

The crazy aspect of loving is the torture of the doubt (Did I say doubt). You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you are doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder every day if you’re the only one or wonder at night if you’ll still be in a relationship by the morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do.

I must confess that I have been guilty of this part of loving; although mine was in a different form. I kept asking myself if I was good enough, what I was doing wrong, why this whole thing is happening and if it was all worth it. My issue was that an idea had been firmly engrained in my mind that kept making me feel uncertain, and once an idea has been fixed in my head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget, I just can’t. And my subconscious takes them serious that I later refer to those statements in my mind whenever I feel unworthy, making me more certain that I definitely was the problem or was the one doing something wrong or wasn’t good enough. I say this is my own worst part in loving and it’s undeniably the toughest!

Now, the worst part of love to some people and definitely the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I said it’s the easiest for me simply because the torture is finally over, I mean the tears are over and done with, the emotional tortures? Over! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t see any use wailing over spilt milk. You are supposed to just get up, pick up the pieces and do something meaningful with your life. You make yourself happy and inspire your mind with lovely things. Tell yourself over and over that you deserve so much better and you are “always going to be best thing he/she never had”,, go shopping (in my case buy yourself that Chanel bag after all you deserve it plus you’re not thinking straight at this moment J so suffer the bank balance pain later) tell yourself again that you deserve better and to be happy, and then make yourself desirable.. 

Did I hear you say heartbreak???

And finally, the easiest part of loving to some but definitely the most difficult part for me is moving on... (Seriously I struggle) I just don’t know how to do it. Sorry but I have loved in a specific place, and invested all my emotions, time etc and moving on seems near impossible for me. (But we have to move on right?) I can try going on a gazillion dates, and have an affair and some, but love is once in a lifetime for me... the best I could possibly do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy.

Having said all that, don’t get it twisted Love is the most beautiful thing/feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a smile on my face everyday...

PS: I/We will always LOVE YOU J

 

Love Life & Chanel J

Olori Amope xx

 

Trusting God's Timing.

“Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for him to act …. Don’t fret and worry — it only leads to harm.” (Psalm 37:7-8 LB)

Hi Folks, hope we all had a lovely Easter break. Anyone who is close to me knows one of my weaknesses is "worry" yes I worry too much sometimes, even over little things. After an event that happened to me yesterday evening I reminded myself how I need to worry less and trust God's timing more.

In life we are always waiting for something the moment we prayed, however God established a set time to bring the promise to past. The question is do you trust God enough to believe your set time is coming or are you getting discouraged? Don’t let negative thoughts talk you out of it, quit worrying about it.

Quit worrying about who is ahead of you and run your own race, God is with you and he has provided solution for you/me. Think about how precise God’s timing is, you can trust God’s timing He has it all figured out, God promises and He will be true to His word.

Side bar: I Thank God that His promises for me are already in my future.

If it hasn’t happened yet, have a new approach and say “God I trust your timing” as it is usually through faith and patience that we accomplish the promise.

Say this often (Even though it seems like I forgot to say this to myself yesterday)

“God I am not going to get discouraged, if it doesn’t happen immediately I am not going to give up because it is taking so many weeks, months, year, but I know the set time is already in my future, so I am going to wait with faith and patience because it is on the way".

God will defeat your enemy and get you to where you want to be, when you delight yourself in the lord, He will give you the desires of your heart so be patience, and let God open the door.

Side Bar: "The battle is not yours, the battle is the Lords"

When you pursue God’s dream for your life, you’re going to run into delays. God uses those waiting periods to prepare you and test you so that you can face whatever is coming in the next phase of your faith.

“Lord I trust you, I know you have already set time to bring me out, you’ve already set the time to vindicate me, you’ve set the time to bring healing, so I am going to be still and know that you are God.”

Do your part and rest, trust God’s timing because sometimes God will delay an answer so that He can show His power in a greater way. Trust God’s timing, stand still and you will see God deliver you, when you remain at rest, Almighty God will fight your battle.

Until next time… Remember your time is in God’s hands.

Love life & Trust God.

Olori Amope xx

Covered by His Mercy. Forgiveness is Stronger.

So today I am writing as my spirit leads, as it is almost the end of the week I just want to encourage someone out there today, that God loves you and you are covered by His grace.

We all make mistakes do things we shouldn’t have done, easy to live in regrets (you say “oh I brought it all upon myself” “Oh I do not deserve this & that”) I have said it to myself so many times, but one thing we fail to realize is that God show mercy. Any time I noticed I’ve made a mistake I say to myself “its ok God has forgiven me and HE has helped me cleaned up this mess I put myself into”

Side bar: God’s mercy is bigger than your mistakes and will cause something good to happen from it.

It takes real boldness to believe that God will bless you in spite of your mistakes, but because you are the child of the most high God, you are redeemed and covered by His mercy. Your situation may seem like it could never turn out right, you’ve made the mess, its complicated, other people are involved, the odds are against you, I want to tell you to be encouraged because God already has the solution, He already knows how to not just bring you out, but how to clean up your mess and bring you out better.

In my time of trouble I cried unto God and he answered me, when I lost all hope I had to turn my thoughts towards God because I know salvation and deliverance comes from Him. Shake off your guilt; God will give you another chance and another chance to be the best person He has created you to be,  to fulfil the best plan He has for your life. Hold on, what am I saying?  God has already given you a second chance, accept it, and remember our God is a God of many chances.

Side bar: “it was my fault, I blew it but I am encouraged and believe things are better”

For a long time I always blame myself and always feel like “how can God forgive me when I have been so stupid” or blame myself for things I did wrong etc. but now I will say I am more matured, rather than blame myself, I just thank God for his goodness, mercy and for times I did not make good decisions, for cleaning up my mess, his faithfulness because I know that God has got me covered with his mercy “He has engraved me in the palm of His hands”.

Side bar: “God will make miracles out of my mistakes” “God will make my wrong into right”

You have made mistakes, made a mess of things, you blew it, doesn’t worry God is there for you and He can turn your mess around, all you need is to Believe in Him and let Him take charge. Salvation and deliverance comes from the Lord, He can turn your mess around and still help you become what He created you to be. You took the wrong turn? Its ok God will make it work and will help you turn things around for your good.

God’s mercy is bigger than our poor choices; He will make miracles out of our mistakes. So shake off your guilt, quit listening to the voices of the accusers because God will clean up your mess, He will turn things around for you, He's got you covered, and He will make you who He created you to be. Forgive yourself, let go and Let God.

Until next time…. Remember God's mercy is bigger than that mistake and He can turn your mistakes into miracles!

Love Life Mercy Said So!

Olori Amope xx

Choose To be Positive Mind - Having a Positive Mindset

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. (Unknown)

“Positive people also have negative thoughts. They just don’t let these thoughts control them”.

Ok, so today I am going to talk about having a positive mind, I know it is a tough one especially when you have been through a lot or going through a lot, but believe me if I can do, you can too.

We can choose to be happy or dwell on what did not work out (Past), either way it is a choice. When you wake up in the morning choose to be happy, positive, grateful and be alive.

A negative attitude will limit your life. One of the things I constantly say to myself to keep my positive mind is “I know God has something better for me, God has me in the palm of his hands, I know and I am confident the right people and opportunities are already in my future”. I say this boldly with authority because I am child of God.

It is not our circumstances that make us negative, it is our attitude towards those circumstances, have you ever noticed that positive people always focus on the possibilities and not the problem; they know that God is in control. Believe me when you are positive you are passing the test already.

Set your mind on higher things and keep it set.  Set your mind on victory, blessing, expecting good things. If you do not set you mind negative thoughts will set it for you. Say this to yourself “God’s favor is surrounding me like a shield”. When you believe in what you are saying it gets God’s attention, one good break can make up for all the bad breaks. Pay attention to what you are thinking, you cannot think negative and have a positive life.

God said “if we have faith like that of a mustard seed, we can say to the mountain to move from here to there and it will move” so why don’t we do just that, talk to the mountain and not about the mountain and see that nothing will be impossible for you.  I know it is easier said than done, but believe me I have been through it. When you stay positive, you start to see things in a positive way and you start to live a positive life. A colleague of mine every Monday morning always says “Shake off the negatives and hold on to the positives… this week I will not be moved by negativity”. Trust me she is not a believer, and most times I say to myself if she is not a believer and she has this kind of positive vibe…. Then I as a believer I do not have a choice but to remain positive because I have a God who is bigger than all my problems/obstacles.

Always surround yourself with positive people, if you are surrounded with negative people you will start to think negatively too.  Anytime I am down I have a friend/sister who I usually call and I know she will give me constructive and yet loving feedback,  I remembered last December I was in the process of something and there was what looks like an obstacle that might stop me,  I picked up the phone and called her, from the tone of my voice she knew there was something wrong and immediately she said to me “ we are not going to talk about this mountain, we are going to talk to it”, believe me I felt better after speaking with her that day, we talked to the mountain and we prayed about it. When you are stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking. Build a network of people who approach life in a positive way and spend less time with those who bring will bring you down.

Another way I keep positive mind is by singing, trust me I do not have the best voice, my brother always say to me please don’t quit your day job (lol) but I notice that every time I sing I always feel better, I do not know about some people but when I sing I show my feelings and it gives me amazing stress relief. One of my favorite song is by Sinach “Rejoice” The lyrics goes “I am going dance and praise him, it doesn’t matter what comes my way because the greater one lives inside of me and his name is Jesus. I am born winner, more than victorious and I am a heir of his kingdom, filled with the Holy Ghost.

So my dear, yes you, I am talking to you, you think how will you overcome this problem, you cannot handle it. Well why not try and shake off your negativity, you have a destiny to fulfill, be positive leave it all to God, He knows how to accelerate things and go by your day job and constantly say this to yourself confidently and with authority as a child of God “The God I serve is well and able to deliver me, no weapon formed against me will prosper, I am getting better and better in every way.

 Until next time…. Remember to “Shake off the negatives and keep a positive mind”

Love Life & Stay Positive.

Olori Amope xx

They Cheated Stay or Leave?

Thou Shall Not Cheat! (1st commandment in the relationship bible)
Happy Friday folks. Before I start, I would like to thank you all for stopping by and reading my rant, and secondly congratulate myself on doing the impossible and looking effortlessly relaxed whilst doing so. (Will be blogged about later).
Today is Friday, I love Fridays at work, not only is it a relaxed and chilled day, (Mon-Thurs are usually mega busy)  its also Fat Friday where we all gather in different groups (Whatever we fancy) to eat fatty food.
So I decided to rant about cheating today, how so? I was just going through my iPad (Note)yesterday evening and I saw this draft that I wrote few months ago,  alas I thought to myself, perfect let me just bring it all to perfection (This was how I spent my evening)

Few months ago, I was having a conversation with my colleague a.k.a my work BFF (Men, relationship, marriage, children and personal ish) and she asked ever so innocently ‘so tell me, if your boyfriend/husband cheated on you, just once, would you leave him, yes or no? Immediately the men around us turned and were all waiting for the 'yes I will forgive' answer.

I hate closed questions that require yes or no answers, Ah life is not that logical. Sometimes two and two will not equal four and you don’t know why the heck that is; in other words, yes or no will never suffice when answering a ‘life issue’. So after challenging her biased method of questioning for few minutes (I find it hard to win arguments with her, but I still love her though) I finally convinced her that it was necessary for me to go beyond yes or no for her to get an answer (the look on her face was saying please don’t defend (him/her)) By the end of our conversation we concluded that my response to the cheater would be reliant on one of three things. (Yes she knew I would later blog about it so she advised me to pen it all down hehe)

a) How I found out about the whole craziness.

b) How much I liked/loved them. (Oh dear)

c) My instinct.

a) How I Found Out About The Whole Craziness.

See there is absolutely nothing worse than finding out something about yourself that everyone seems to be aware of apart from you, (The shock and horror).  Like when you’ve had something between your teeth all day. So if I happen to be informed by an OUTSIDER, that my significant other had a moment of craziness when they lost the integrity I had assumed they had, it is likely that yes, the only future access they will have to me will be via this blog. (As I will block them off WhatsApp/bbm and every other communication or social media) It all comes down to pride. Private embarrassment I can deal with but public embarrassment inflicted by another’s stupidity? I think not.

Till date, I am not sure if I like confessions (Excluding confessing your sin to God. Only that I believe in) and that’s because most confessions fall into one of two categories. Confessions because you got caught or confessions because you feel guilty. I think the people that confess when caught are the most authentic and honest people ever to walk the face of the earth, not the people that confess before being caught (Again my opinion).

I do believe that people that confess in a dramatic manner are often the most twisted bastards and the people you need to watch. Those awful souls who call you and start the conversation with  ‘There’s something I have to tell you’‘, and then finally get to the point and act like it was the hardest thing ever. THEY PISS ME OFF. Why? Guilt is the natural human response to doing wrong to another person. Everyone feels some sort of guilt; if you don’t feel a fragment of guilt you are a sociopath. Don’t confess to me and think I will absolve you of your guilt or it somehow makes it better. I’m not a priest. The fact remains you still are a careless prick and I won’t be jilted into making you feel less guilty. Furthermore the biggest sign that a confession isn’t genuine is when someone has the audacity to become offended when you don’t forgive him or her at a drop of a hat. (Are you kidding me? You’re the culprit not me). I am not advocating being duplicitous. I’m just saying if you happen to cheat, you must make the best of a bad situation. So to avoid moral dilemmas just DON’T CHEAT at all. (Trust me it’s that simple and easy)

If I am informed by someone in my INNER circle, I will confront the individual (Boyfriend/Husband) and if they say ‘Well yes it’s true, I am very sorry but I was just hoping that you’d never find out’,  (AH) I’d probably be so taken aback by their frankness I would be stunned into staying with them.

b) How Much I Love/Like Them (Oh dear)

Hmm, the concepts of loving/liking someone are so fluid and impossible to define. The amount you love/like someone will affect how you treat them. So if I happen to love someone a lot (I AM A SUCKER FOR TRUE LOVE) I will probably overlook their discrepancies because I value them and what we share. However at the end of the day like/love/lust, all cloud judgment. Some people will always struggle with monogamy no matter how much they love someone and it’s not because they’re wired differently, it’s because they’re greedy, selfish and lack discipline…. (In other word just AN ASS)!

So after much discussion my friend and I concluded that in actual fact our reactions would be determined not by how much we love the cheater, but how much we love ourselves and if we have enough confidence to believe we can do better.

c) Instinct

I always trust my instinct, like when I meet a person and they tell me their 'life story' but I know it’s a built-up fairytale. I don’t know how, I just know, (Don't ask me)  that’s why before I share my story with anyone or open up to you, I study you as if I am on a PHD course (Trust me even my pastor’s wife noticed). So if my instinct tells me that the cheater will cheat again, in spite of the fact that the deed apparently occurred ‘just once’ they will be given their marching orders. However if my instinct tells me otherwise, I’ll make them sweat for as long as I choose to and hope they pull a good one and buy me a diamond ring worth the GDP of Burundi and a Bentley (You can say I'm dreaming but dreams come true).

Some would argue that option B (How Much I Love/Like Them) could cloud option C (instinct), I completely disagree. Your instinct will always be accurate, you may lie to yourself and the world at large that it’s different, but your instinct always tells you the right thing but when option B (How Much I Love/Like Them) is in place option C (Instinct) is out of the window. Beyond that no one becomes ‘something’ overnight yes we all have moments of madness, character change (for good and bad) is a process, so for that ‘one night of madness’ there were often about a million clues along the way, which will inform your instinct. (Most women choose to ignore the million clues along the way)

So in response to my friend's weird question, I am still not sure as it is all relative. However because I know that she was asking the question for a stupid reason (This girl ask random questions).  I will state that for the record I am a firm believer in giving second chances.  If you have the capacity to give it wholeheartedly and the other has the capacity receive it.

 In other news, someone pointed out to me that my rants are somehow against men, well I disagree, and contrary to popular opinion  I do not believe that only men cheat, I believe women cheat just as much, it’s just that they (women) are so slick with it they don’t get caught.

PS: please feel free to comment if you agree or disagree with any of the above or want to add to it. Until then....

Love life & Don’t cheat.

Olori Amope xx