Thou Shall Not Cheat! (1st commandment in the relationship bible)
Happy Friday folks. Before I start, I would like to thank you all for stopping by and reading my rant, and secondly congratulate myself on doing the impossible and looking effortlessly relaxed whilst doing so. (Will be blogged about later).
Today is Friday, I love Fridays at work, not only is it a relaxed and chilled day, (Mon-Thurs are usually mega busy) its also Fat Friday where we all gather in different groups (Whatever we fancy) to eat fatty food.
So I decided to rant about cheating today, how so? I was just going through my iPad (Note)yesterday evening and I saw this draft that I wrote few months ago, alas I thought to myself, perfect let me just bring it all to perfection (This was how I spent my evening)
Few months ago, I was having a
conversation with my colleague a.k.a my work BFF (Men, relationship, marriage, children and personal
ish) and she asked ever so innocently ‘so tell me, if your boyfriend/husband
cheated on you, just once, would you leave him, yes or no? Immediately the men around us turned and were all waiting for the 'yes I will forgive' answer.
I hate closed questions that
require yes or no answers, Ah life is not that logical. Sometimes two and two will
not equal four and you don’t know why the heck that is; in other words, yes or no
will never suffice when answering a ‘life issue’. So after challenging her biased
method of questioning for few minutes (I find it hard to win arguments with her, but I still love her though) I finally convinced her that it was necessary for me to go beyond
yes or no for her to get an answer (the look on her face was saying please
don’t defend (him/her)) By the end of our conversation we
concluded that my response to the cheater would be reliant on one of three
things. (Yes she knew I would later blog about it so she advised me to pen it all down hehe)
a) How I found out about the whole craziness.
b) How much I liked/loved them. (Oh dear)
c) My instinct.
a) How I Found Out About The Whole Craziness.
See there is absolutely nothing
worse than finding out something about yourself that everyone seems to be aware
of apart from you, (The shock and horror). Like when you’ve had something between your teeth all day. So if I happen to be informed by
an OUTSIDER, that my significant other had a moment of craziness when they lost
the integrity I had assumed they had, it is likely that yes, the only
future access they will have to me will be via this blog. (As I will block
them off WhatsApp/bbm and every other communication or social media) It all comes down to pride. Private embarrassment I can deal with but
public embarrassment inflicted by another’s stupidity? I think not.
Till date, I am not sure if I like confessions (Excluding confessing your sin to God. Only that I believe in) and that’s because most confessions fall into one of two
categories. Confessions because you got caught or
confessions because you feel guilty. I think the
people that confess when caught are the most authentic and honest people ever
to walk the face of the earth, not the people that confess before being caught (Again my opinion).
I do believe that people that
confess in a dramatic manner are often the most twisted bastards and the people
you need to watch. Those awful souls who call you and start the conversation
with ‘There’s something I have to tell you’‘, and then finally get to the
point and act like it was the hardest thing ever. THEY PISS ME OFF. Why? Guilt
is the natural human response to doing wrong to another person. Everyone feels
some sort of guilt; if you don’t feel a fragment of guilt you are a sociopath.
Don’t confess to me and think I
will absolve you of your guilt or it somehow makes it better. I’m not a priest.
The fact remains you still are a careless prick and I won’t be jilted into
making you feel less guilty. Furthermore the biggest sign that a confession
isn’t genuine is when someone has the audacity to become offended when you
don’t forgive him or her at a drop of a hat. (Are you kidding me? You’re the
culprit not me). I am not advocating being
duplicitous. I’m just saying if you happen to cheat, you must make the best of
a bad situation.
So to avoid moral dilemmas just DON’T CHEAT at all. (Trust me it’s that simple
and easy)
If I am informed by someone in my INNER circle, I will confront the
individual (Boyfriend/Husband) and if they say ‘Well yes it’s true, I am very
sorry but I was just hoping that you’d never find out’, (AH) I’d probably be so
taken aback by their frankness I would be stunned into staying with them.
b) How Much I Love/Like Them (Oh dear)
Hmm, the concepts of loving/liking
someone are so fluid and impossible to define. The amount
you love/like someone will affect how you treat them. So if I happen to love
someone a lot (I AM A SUCKER FOR TRUE LOVE) I will probably overlook their
discrepancies because I value them and what we share. However at the end of the
day like/love/lust, all cloud judgment. Some people will always struggle with
monogamy no matter how much they love someone and it’s not because they’re
wired differently, it’s because they’re greedy, selfish and lack discipline…. (In
other word just AN ASS)!
So after much discussion my
friend and I concluded that in actual fact our reactions would be determined
not by how much we love the cheater, but how much we love ourselves and if we
have enough confidence to believe we can do better.
c) Instinct
I always trust my instinct, like
when I meet a person and they tell me their 'life story' but I know it’s a
built-up
fairytale. I don’t know how, I just know, (Don't ask me) that’s why before I share my story with anyone or
open up to you, I study you as if I am on a PHD course (Trust me even my pastor’s
wife noticed). So if my instinct tells me that
the cheater will cheat again, in spite of the fact that the deed apparently occurred
‘just once’ they will be given their marching orders. However if my instinct
tells me otherwise, I’ll make them sweat for as long as I choose to and hope
they pull a good one and buy me a diamond ring worth the GDP of Burundi and a Bentley (You can say I'm dreaming but dreams come true).
Some would argue that option B (How Much I Love/Like Them)
could cloud option C (instinct), I completely disagree. Your instinct will always be
accurate, you may lie to yourself and the world at large that it’s different,
but your instinct always
tells you the right thing but when option B (How Much I Love/Like Them) is in place option C (Instinct) is out of the
window. Beyond that no one becomes
‘something’ overnight yes we all have moments of madness, character change (for good and bad) is a process, so for that ‘one
night of madness’ there were often about a million clues along the way, which
will inform your instinct. (Most women choose to ignore the million clues along
the way)
So in response to my friend's
weird question, I am still not sure as it is all relative. However because I know that
she was asking the question for a stupid reason (This girl ask random questions). I
will state that for the record I am a firm believer in giving second chances. If you have the capacity to give it
wholeheartedly and the other has the capacity receive it.
In other news, someone pointed out to me that my rants are somehow against men, well I disagree, and contrary to
popular opinion I do not believe
that only men cheat, I believe women cheat just as much, it’s just that they (women) are so slick
with it they don’t get caught.
PS: please feel free to comment if you agree or disagree with any of the above or want to add to it. Until then....
Love life & Don’t cheat.
Olori Amope xx
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