When Life Changes To Be Harder, Change Yourself To Be Stronger.

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while; it's been a hectic few months, from working, to making sure I remain healthy, networking, staying calm amidst ongoing drama! Whew* and most importantly preparing myself for a new and exciting adventure (which I'm looking forward to), what a hectic few months it has been! But hey.... I'm here, alive and kicking ass.

Life is never easy, there are good times and bad times. If we didn’t have bad times, we wouldn't have good times that follow and our life would be officially boring. If bad times never came our way we would never have the strength we have today. STRENGTH- is something that gets us through every bad thing. Each time something bad comes our way the strength we have get stronger, it makes us where we can put up with whatever comes our way! God doesn't put you through anything you can’t handle, but He does put you through things you don't think you can handle, but really can, so that you can come out even stronger. I truly believe that challenges make you stronger, recognizing your own strengths and weakness and dealing with things as they happen has been my greatest lesson so far….. Face your fears, recognize when you are emotionally paralyzed and find the inner strength to take those little steps, never give up on the dream and believe in yourself.

The single hardest part for me is Mind-set; I battle it constantly as I am sure most of us do. Fear is the mind-set gripping me. I’ve noticed that when people recall their fondest memories, they often point to hard times or adversities they overcame. The strength, confidence, and resilience they gained couldn’t have been gotten any other way. Facing my worst fears forced me to recognize what holds me back. The mind’s powerful ability to shape our story must be conquered through present being, so these days I try to take steps every day to take charge of my NOW by:

1. Been grateful for everything and taking care of myself first.
2. Connecting with the right people.
3. Taking action on something and giving back.
4. Not accepting others stories for my life.
5. Making healthy choices (This is really important).
6. Living an intentional life.
7. Reminding myself that every hard time will pass
8. Seek clarity, direction, and comfort from prayer, meditation, positive affirmations, and reading motivational material.
9. Ask myself what is the lesson I’m meant to learn from this.
10. I focus on what I can control or influence.
11. I recognize my own self-destructive behaviors. This is usually the hardest things for anyone to Identify, admit, accept and make alternate choices about. If you own your diagnosis, you change your prognosis.
    

Over the past few years, I looked around and I realized every time I thought someone else had the “perfect” life, this wasn’t true…EVERYONE has their pain, their difficulties in life, no one’s life is perfect, and we never know what goes on “behind closed doors” as I like to say. So I learned to never compare myself  and to never think someone else has it better than me, that allows me (you) to be happy for what I (you) DO have, and to live in the present!!
No matter what you have been through, know that you are not a victim, you are still here now. You may have been challenged, hurt, betrayed, beaten, and discouraged, but nothing has defeated you, you have been delayed but not denied. The person who hurt you is weaker than you, don’t let their weakness weaken you – let it build you. You are a survivor so never let go of hope. Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward because someday all the pieces will come together.

Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated, and you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?” I have learned that although we may not be able to change our destination in a day, we can change our direction in an instant. If things aren’t working out, it’s never the wrong time to change direction either. It’s never too late to set a new course. That doesn’t mean stop everything you’re doing and hop on the next bandwagon, it simply means making a choice then taking the actions that will eventually lead to a whole new destination. If you want to be happy, you need to be who you are and not what others want you to be. Stay positive and stand strong against the negative! Take chances and opportunities as they come up because they may not stay long or come again. Focus on what you truly care about. Remember failure isn't the end of something it's just an example of how not to do something or get what you want!

Lastly, without responsibility you have no control, and without control you have no confidence or success or happiness in life! Life is a gift that you get to open every day don't waste a single moment of a single day, take life's challenge and conquer it!!!

Until next time...... Remember, you are stronger than you know and braver than you believe.

Vida Amorosa
Olori Amope x

Distinctively Favoured!

I usually wake up saying “Damn not again slept through my alarm” or on a weekend “wow its 11am.. I too dey sleep” but these past few days has been different. Few days ago I woke up to a friend’s message on Facebook about "Trusting God" (See Here), the following day, I woke up to another message about "Trusting God’s Timing" and on Monday I woke up to a message about “Seeking God in Prayer and Worship”(See Here)

However this morning I woke up with the word "FAVOUR" coming out of my mouth, (strange I know) and I couldn’t stop singing “God favoured me” by Hezekiah Walker!  (Someone would think is she ok?) And the message for me in that song was that in spite of my circumstances, my enemies or whatever it is I am going through, the challenges, the fear, the trials, and the tribulations God has favoured me. See as I kept singing that song and praying on the words, I heard His whisper saying “I have distinctively favored you, I have accelerated your favour”. Do you know what it means to be distinctively favoured by God? it means you have His approval, His acceptance, His special benefits and blessing. The grin, the joy, the peace, the fulfillment in me knowing I am favoured…. I just couldn’t explain it.

Do you know the amount of times I gave up and turned my back on Him, asking so many WHY & WHAT questions, thinking He was not there…. Little did I know that He never turned His back, He was there all along, in my trial, my test, my hard times, He was waiting for me to activate my faith and I just did not know, imagine the feeling knowing God’s got your back…INCREDIBLE! I thank God because through my crises, my hard times, the good, the bad and the ugly... I am here, alive, blessed, and happy because I know the FAVOUR of God is on my life. (How amazing)

See I do not know what you might be/are going through, what your circumstances are, what the battle is, what you think you might have lost, or you feel like everyone is way ahead of you, but one thing I am sure of is that God knows how to make up for what seems like lost time, all you need is a little faith that’s what God requires from you and to believe in Him. Your circumstances may say otherwise, your situation may be speaking hell, you might feel like you’ve lost the battle, but have that BOLDNESS and BELIEVE that there is something different about you, because God has FAVORED you and set you aside for GREATNESS.

I don’t know about you but I am very pleased that God favours me, despite all that has happened and still happening around me I know that He is watching over me and protecting me against those that will rise up against me. As Psalms 37:1 says "fret not thyself because of evil doers neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity".

Until Next time….. Know that you are Blessed and Distinctively Favoured.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx

Thankful - I reflected looked back & realized how blessed I am.

                                              Thankful, Grateful and Blessed.

I went out for a drink with a friend of mine after not seeing each other for like 2 years, (blame it on life). We talked about a whole lot of things like what we’ve been up to in the last 2 years, most especially, our individual experiences. He spoke to me and tried to make me reason differently on a number of things and I learnt quite a lot from him and was greatly motivated by his words. We both talked about the very sensitive word LOVE, touching on God’s love, what love should mean, and how love should be interpreted.
One of the things he said to me was that love needs to be beyond the physical and should be spiritual; love should be self-sacrificing and never-ending, should be everything that's different from what we see in our society today and should be identical to how our God loves us.

So who do you love the most in this world.?

My natural response was "my brother of course", followed by my mother, father, nephew etc in that order. (Lol) and then my darling friend laughed and said to me, “The person you love most in this world is YOU!”.  

Well In my opinion, loving yourself greatly before anybody else hinders you from being able to show the kind of love God showers on us. If we cannot love like God, then we can at least try to make the other person smile. Going out of your way to see someone else smile is not a very common act in our society these days and it doesn't make us too friendly. God loves those that show love to the common man without expecting anything in return but a smile.

Family and friend are people that should love you, encourage you against all odds, be there for you when you need them, and ensure that you don't doubt their place in your life. So after our conversation, I found out that whilst moping complaining and feeling rejected, I actually have that one very special friend that has taken the place of ten friends in my life. A friend that understands you without judging, whilst at the same time helping you become a better version of you. It took a conversation about the love of God to realize it, but I do know now that I am genuinely loved, not just by my family, or friends that are selfless in all accounts, but I am genuinely loved by God, His love for me top that of family or friends and He constantly remains merciful and faithful me.

I would like to encourage someone today that God loves you, regardless of who you are or what your circumstances are, everything you lack, and your limitations, your expectations, your dreams, your brokenness…..everything is like an open book before God. Remember His word that says "we should not be anxious about anything but in thanksgiving through prayer and petition let your request be made known to Him". God has engraved you and I on the palms of His hands simply because of His genuine and unending love for us.  Do you understand the meaning of that word ‘engrave’, it simply means you cannot take it out. Once it is engraved, it is the part of the skin and there is no way to separate both. Remember your life with all its boundaries are constantly viewed by God, you’re His precious child, He loves you and He sees every moment of your life.  So stand up tall, wear a crown, count your blessing and be thankful.

Until Next time… you are loved, blessed and highly favored.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx

Forgiveness - The Sensible & Healthy Choice.

Forgiveness is a vital aspect of life, be it in relationships, friendships, or in our day to day activities. We should always learn to forgive regardless of how we have been wronged after all, to err is human and to forgive is divine! I used to marvel at how someone could forgive another who had deeply hurt them, then I had an experience that helped me see the pathway to forgiveness and understand how important it is to my health.
“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil."
Don’t fret; I am not going to start quoting the Bible to give you unending reasons why you should forgive. Forgiveness is a choice so I'll leave that choice to you, whilst at the same time, hoping you make the sensible one. See you need to realize that forgiveness actually begins and ends with you, not the person at fault. You have to be prepared to accept and come to terms with whatever it is you're mad about, only then can you open up your heart to forgive. Anger is one of the most vicious emotions we humans have, alongside love, jealousy, obsession, possessiveness, and hatred. Most times, anger affects our physical well-being and health in various ways and makes us totally irrational, if not destructive and most importantly anger generally affects our decisions.

What I have come to realize is that angry people are more vulnerable to sin and making the wrong decisions, so the earlier you forgive, the better for you to let go and that way, you can avoid your anger transmitting into depression, hostility, self-pity or snide remarks that may end up hurting more people around you than you anticipate! So in other to avoid these, try not to let the sun go down on your anger and try to resolve whatever upsets you before going to bed. Does it matter whether we forgive or not, after-all there’s nothing wrong with holding on to anger, hurt and desire for revenge?  well, According to cardiologist Dave Montgomery “If you have a destructive reaction to anger, you are more likely to have heart attacks,” anger has been said to trigger heart attacks, accelerate coagulation that causes pain, increases the total cholesterol of the body, and may lead to death as we are often not in control of ourselves while angry, which means there’s a powerful connection between being able to forgive and our health and happiness.

The holy books did not preach against anger although it preaches against the sin we may commit whilst angry. Jesus Christ had His moments of anger, and it is in the holy books the only difference is that his anger did not stop him from winning souls, spreading the gospel, healing people, and being a gentle soul. As a matter of fact, God himself (who is without sin), is said to have gotten angry a few times in the bible, yet, He forgives us...  so who are you and who am I to hold a person in debt of their mistakes (especially when we know the possible risks our anger can trigger). Forgiveness is a choice and should be principal. You can choose to forgive, move on, and live in peace and happiness; or you can choose to remain angry, and throw away the good the Lord has blessed you with via your anger. Making mistakes is a regular part of life, nonetheless you should never allow yourself to be held back by your mistakes nor should you allow another pay for their mistakes forever!

I was an emotional wreck after my own experience, however, only after I made the decision to forgive was I able to have peace and live a fully healthy life again. See it is very possible to be happy again, you need to overcome and go on to be happy and you can only do this by leaving behind your past and therefore improving your well-being. Perhaps you have been the victim or someone had offended you or maybe there is something in your life for which you need to forgive yourself.  I guarantee you can find peace and happiness in your life by forgiving yourselves or others, letting go of your past and moving forward.  No one can do it for you, only you can.  It wasn’t easy for me, but I found that by forgiving, I was refusing to allow what happened to have power over me and that was the most powerful and healthy choice I could make.
So, for the love of God and for your own welfare, comfort and happiness I beseech you to forgive whoever has trespassed against you or wronged in any way, forgive yourself of everything as the Lord himself forgives you of your sins, leave your past behind and move forward.  

Until next time…. Forgiveness is Divine!

Vida Amorosa
Olori Amope xx

The Only Woman or The Second Fiddle - Chronicles of a Philandering Man!

Some men can and will try to get into a relationship with you when they're openly and obviously married, I should know; it happened to me. Being married doesn’t mean a man or woman will not find others attractive, however, it is the respect for his/her spouse, marriage, in some cases spiritual beliefs, and having control over his/her sexual urges that will prevent a man or woman from acting on these feelings of attraction. Not many men who are married wear their wedding rings, so sometimes it’s not easy to know if a man is taken and some men simply do not want to disclose that they are married. Some women also hide the fact that they are married, although to a lesser extent than the men. But why do people, especially men, purposefully conceal that they are legally attached to someone else?

Much research has been done on infidelity to give explanation for the reasons why people cheat and lie to the other woman or other man about the state of their marriage. I won't try to give credence to the reasons why men or women cheat, however, women are notorious for believing lies that married men tell them. They take every word like it's the gospel of Matthew only to be disappointed in the end. We all know that not every marriage is a happy one, a man who is unhappily married can meet a woman whom he genuinely wants in his life, but he knows the moment he tells her he is married she will walk so he purposefully hides the fact that he is married because he knows that no level-headed woman relishes the thoughts of playing second fiddle to another woman’s man. Although he’s in an unhappy situation at home, this kind of behavior is actually selfish because the other person is unaware that they are in an emotionally risky situation. They are blindly investing in a relationship that might not go where they are hoping it will go.

In spite of all these seemed impossible chances of having a future with married men, why are there still so many gullible women who still believe them? I guess one of the possible reasons is that they are unaware of the lies some married men tell.

1. He told you he WAS married.
This is understandable, right? No! Some women (including me at one point) believe that if a man is separated or "going through a divorce," then it is fair game. Sorry to burst your bubble: It is not. If there’s no evidence of paperwork, then sorry there shouldn’t be a romantic relationship. Period! And even if he's in the process of divorce, there's a very good chance the both of them (him and his wife) may decide to work it out. So in my opinion, if he's truly separated, as he said and proven, then give him time to heal and enjoy his new single status before rushing in to a relationship with him or making things official.

2. He always wants to come over your house.
If the dude wants to come over to your house more often than not, then he's afraid of being caught by either you or the wife, this isn’t just about logistics; it's also about guilt. We women, we leave clues to our presence e.g. hair pins, earrings, hair bubbles, which are relatively unseen by men but noticeable to us. Men are aware of this fact, so they’d rather not take the risk by simply never allowing you to sleep over.

3. You can’t ever stay over at his place.
I knew a guy who came up with every story imaginable, from claiming he has a live-in nanny, to claiming it’s too early to meet the children, to his mother lives with him and he had not told her yet. You need to also start scratching your head if you notice that you can only stay over on certain nights or never stay at all, as it may suggest a wife or girlfriend is not home or might have travel for work.

4. You’re always go on last-minute dates.
We would agree that some men justifiably don’t know how to plan ahead, but then again if dude plans things at the last minute every time you go on a date, then sorry love, you're his second (or third) priority, oh and Think well about all the dates you two have been on. Have you ever noticed that you’re hanging out a lot at bars, or café? Well this is a red flag for many reasons.

5. He is always doing "family activities."
Had to LOL on this one! One very good excuse married men try to use endlessly is their children. No woman wants to be blamed of being insensitive to time he spends with his children right? This is why it’s the perfect excuse. If he's always cancelling or changing plans claiming its something to do with the children it’s time to think about who else is waiting for his arrival.

Some married men are bored and they need distractions; they want someone who can ease up their tensions. They are not looking for relationships; they are not looking for “you and me forever,” they just want someone to play around with, at the end of the day; they go home to the people that matters to their life, and that is not you. If you are involved with a married man and have managed to deceive yourself into thinking it is going somewhere, well think again. Some married men are just devious, wicked creatures. They will tell you everything and anything under the sun to make you believe that you have a future with them. When in fact, only 3% of philandering married men will leave their wives for their mistresses... this means that you have a 3% chance of a “happy ending,” that’s a very slim chance.  

So if you've heard these famous lies listed above, you have "taken the bait" hook, line and sinker. Trust me; the relationship is heading nowhere other than a place called hell. In fact, the vast majority of married men never leave their wives. However, he will continue to string you along for as long as you stay on board. It's time for you to get off now! Break it off; don't accept his phone calls, text messages or his Facebook messages. Leave him alone.

Until Next Time Remember the Golden Rule: No Paperwork - meaning Divorce Papers - No Play.

Vida Amorosa

Olori Amope xx